The thing is that you haven't detached your emotions from your H, so everything starts triggering you. I was like you where everyone kept saying I needed to forget her, she's crazy, etc.
it sucks. i feel like i've detached somewhat. but i don't think it's by choice. being physically separated means i don't interact with him on a daily basis. i must be fooling myself into believe that i have detached. the anger is what keeps it fresh and raw inside.
one of the reasons for staying away from my family is to prove to myself that i can do this on my own.
so far, i've done just fine.
before i got married, i lived at home. i never picked up a spatula, chef's knife, or opened a jar of pasta sauce. with my parents around, they were constantly watching over my shoulder that i rather not cook than continue. after i got married, i cooked like you wouldn't believe. i turned out to be a pretty good cook.
i cook every night now. i never eat out, i never bring home take out either. i cook healthy and i always cook a little bit more so i have lunch the next day. sometimes i even share my lunch with my office mate. i always show my gratitude to others by sharing my culinary creations. they always love what i make.
i think deep down, i really want to feel desirable to someone. i don't think it matters if it is h or not. i love it when someone finds me sexy and wants me. i don't usually reveal stuff like that because when someone knows it makes the attempt seem less genuine. i don't have anybody who wants me now. but i'm sure my ugly interior shows on the outside and it's really unattractive.
hey Mr.Bond. thanks for getting me to talk about me and not my sitch. my ic cancelled on me yesterday so i didn't get a chance to vent. i don't want to vent but talking about me is a nice change.
i think i want to talk about my friends and family next time. i have neglected them a great deal and i need to remember how important they are to me.
let this forum be your therapy if you need it. The bottom line is that you need to concentrate on your needs now while your W is out doing her own thing. Get yourself healthy first.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
you know, i wish i could share my baking with everyone here. i'm taking a baking class and i have all this baking in my freezer. there is no way i can eat all of it. i promised my co-workers that i would bring a fully iced/decorated cake on monday. but there are cupcakes and another cake sitting in my freezer occupying space. hmm. would a local soup kitchen take it?
this forum is therapy for me. when i start responding to other posts, i can see that the advice given to me is sinking in.
i know i deserve better. i know i will be okay in the end. i have to take care of my mental state because i'm stuck in this "all about me" mode that i have neglected my family and i forget to say thank you to them. i have put them on an emotional rollercoaster as well - today i want a baby, tomorrow i want a house, and next month i want to apply for my master's degree, and i can also pick up and move to San Fran or wherever.
i need to be mentally ready when my L calls and schedules the mediation session with h and his L. i need to be detached and strong. i cannot be a doormat.
but i need to remember that i need to have faith that i will be okay - but i have to face the brutal facts of my current reality.
i watched the Last Lecture given by Randy Pausch several times over the last month. i took away the following:
"brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. brick walls let us show our dedication. They are there to separate us from the people who don’t really want to achieve their childhood dreams. Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap." (yes, db-ing is hard. i am reminded that this is another brick wall that is in my way. i will encounter many brick walls in life. how bad do i want it?)
"when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care." (the folks here have been helping me so much. when it goes silent, you know they don't care. but i know they do.)
"Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself." (this is my problem as if late. i have focused too much on me, and not on others - and i don't mean h. i need to look at the others around me and show gratitude.)
"If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you." (have faith and things will be okay in the end. i want to lead my life the right way and stay true to who i am. i lost myself over the last 6 months. i need find that person in me again.)
you know, i wish i could share my baking with everyone here. i'm taking a baking class and i have all this baking in my freezer. there is no way i can eat all of it. i promised my co-workers that i would bring a fully iced/decorated cake on monday. but there are cupcakes and another cake sitting in my freezer occupying space. hmm. would a local soup kitchen take it?
this forum is therapy for me. when i start responding to other posts, i can see that the advice given to me is sinking in.
i know i deserve better. i know i will be okay in the end. i have to take care of my mental state because i'm stuck in this "all about me" mode that i have neglected my family and i forget to say thank you to them. i have put them on an emotional rollercoaster as well - today i want a baby, tomorrow i want a house, and next month i want to apply for my master's degree, and i can also pick up and move to San Fran or wherever.
i need to be mentally ready when my L calls and schedules the mediation session with h and his L. i need to be detached and strong. i cannot be a doormat.
but i need to remember that i need to have faith that i will be okay - but i have to face the brutal facts of my current reality.
i watched the Last Lecture given by Randy Pausch several times over the last month. i took away the following:
"brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. brick walls let us show our dedication. They are there to separate us from the people who don’t really want to achieve their childhood dreams. Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap." (yes, db-ing is hard. i am reminded that this is another brick wall that is in my way. i will encounter many brick walls in life. how bad do i want it?)
"when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care." (the folks here have been helping me so much. when it goes silent, you know they don't care. but i know they do.)
"Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself." (this is my problem as if late. i have focused too much on me, and not on others - and i don't mean h. i need to look at the others around me and show gratitude.)
"If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you." (have faith and things will be okay in the end. i want to lead my life the right way and stay true to who i am. i lost myself over the last 6 months. i need find that person in me again.)
Good way to start the weekend.
Posting to others is good.
I like the "Last Lecture." TED Talks are good to get you thinking as well.
Focus on the process not the outcome.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
i try. the problem is the way i deliver my 'advice' or 'encouragement'. i can see my old ways of encouraging someone is not always the best way. then i pull back.
i need to try a different approach. i tend to challenge a person's thought process and ask why do you think it won't work when you haven't even tried? and if i ask a question, and i sense that you are avoiding the question, i will hound you and say "you didn't answer my original question." .. you start to dig (geez, sound familiar?) because you know the other person is hiding something. i make the other person uncomfortable.
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TED Talks are good to get you thinking as well.
i watched Steve Jobs' speech at Stanford U's commencment. that was pretty good too.
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Focus on the process not the outcome.
so coach, how am i doing so far? am i doing the right thing? it does seem like a slow journey and i don't feel like i've made any progress. i don't interact with h. i don't speak to him. i guess i don't plan on speaking to him until the separation agreement is finalized.
my mom has noticed a change in my tone. ever since i bought my house, she says i have a new outlook on life. i have a goal that i am working towards. some direction that was much needed. i am not out of the woods yet but it gives me something to look forward to. i am pretty excited about it.
at squash last night, i met a new guy. i think he noticed me. i saw him looking at me a few times. he seemed shy when initiating conversation with me. most guys are shy when they talk to me. they talk but they make minimal eye contact. why is that? he asked if i could stay longer to play one last game but it was getting late.
i must say that ever since the bomb dropped, i became a new person. i smile more, look cute, and i dress better when i play squash. i had the cutest pair of shorts on. i am more playful when i talk. h doesn't even have to be around and i'm naturally that way. that's the girl i used to be. i am focusing on the process of achieving happiness.
Did you buy a new house?? I have missed a few days here--have had quite the time in my own sitch. The fun never ends around here, does it!
Do you still run into your H at squash? I bet you are throwing him for a loop with your new attitude. Just remember, he is sooooo watching you....
Could you bring some baked good to the club, and then make sure to offer some to H? His head will spin, he'd be so suprised!lol. Plus the new guy will be impressed...
Wait till you figure out how much fun it is to throw them off--they are SO sure of what they are doing, and then you mess with them.
If you want to see how much fun messing with their minds is, you should visit my thread sometime--I am having WAYYYY too much fun these days!
Because I am not focusing on the whole thing--if I did that I'd cry daily. I take small chunks and bite them off bit by bit. And I am actually enjoying the texture, the flavor, the intensity of the chunks **I** choose to take and swallow.
Did you buy a new house?? I have missed a few days here--have had quite the time in my own sitch. The fun never ends around here, does it!
you betcha i bought a new house. i was scared but i bought what i wanted. where is your sitch? i noticed that you were mia for a while!
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Do you still run into your H at squash? I bet you are throwing him for a loop with your new attitude. Just remember, he is sooooo watching you....
i have to remember what puppydogtails said in a different thread. it's not about trying to get a reaction from h. i'm doing it for myself.
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If you want to see how much fun messing with their minds is, you should visit my thread sometime--I am having WAYYYY too much fun these days!
you have to direct me to your thread. i have to see/read what lauraoh is up to.
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Because I am not focusing on the whole thing--if I did that I'd cry daily. I take small chunks and bite them off bit by bit. And I am actually enjoying the texture, the flavor, the intensity of the chunks **I** choose to take and swallow.
like a good steak. i think earlier in my thread ajm told me to tackle the elephant bit by bit. i wanted to consume it in one sitting because it tasted nasty and i just wanted to get meal over with.
Oh boy, my sitch is almost soap operaish these days. The C we had been seeing for a while Jan-March, the one I started having feelings for :o, so I stopped going but just recently went back to, just tonight said we basically were wasting his time and this was our last session!! OMG--A CHRISTIAN PASTOR!! I just looked at him and said, I thought you were pro marriage???
(WOW--I will stand by my statement 6 years ago that the advise you get here for free is better than most C's out there).
I'm in Peicing, 2nd page by now probably, but I will be updating probably tomorrow or Wens. I have a class tomorrow and a Power Point presentation that is freaking me out--I've been out of school a LONG time.
Yeah, come on by--the fun continues for me....lol.
h dropped the d-bomb without reviewing the d-laws. i tried to warn him that it was going to hurt him financially. he felt that it was a small price to pay to get me out of his life.
that is a very angry response on his part, have you told us everything? Why would he feel the need to get you "out of his life" at any price?
I'll just say it, he sounds very angry. I don't think you're giving us the total story, I could be wrong but I'll put it out there anyways.
