Mrs. A...let me get this straight....you went to the ER over the weekend, had "minor" surgery and then went to work and went golfing a couple of days later? No I am not going to ask you more details, just WOW you are good at making a comeback!Strong AND energetic!
I have the same fear about the barrage of questions from friends that know me but are closer than coworkers but not as close as my college friends that have been following all along. SO it is a relief to hear for your sake that Erica didn't make the D the main topic of conversation the whole night! And that it helped you feel better talking to her.
About not being able to focus on the intake tomorrow....well on top of things just being crazy due to getting a D, you had a crazy week so no wonder! And I bet you will feel more focused when you wake up tomorrow. (also the mediators must be used to dealing with emotionally screwy stbxs!)
Last edited by newmama; 06/30/1005:15 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Sorry to hear about the car door. One of my least favorite things is to have any type of car trouble - it just sucks! Very resourceful with the bungee cord though! Just as good as duct tape!
Golf is a very therapuetic game for me. I forget all about anything bad in my life when I am golfing (that is aside from slicing or hooking the ball!) But hey in my book - a bad game of golf always beats a day at work hands down!!
So you might enjoy this thought - I'm going to visit my Son in Columbus, OH on Friday and my dream would be to buy some maize and blue toliet paper and TP "Suckeye" Stadium.
BA, you've proven yourself to be True Blue. You have my enduring respect (and many chuckles!). I'll refrain from typing in the lyrics to the fight song - hahaha!
Thanks for the sympathy on the car door. Luckily I have a terrific mechanic. And I'd like to think that all those physics classes I took (and barely passed) as a Michigan undergrad have had some sort of positive effect - at least on my ability to deal with semi-cope with issues of gross mechanics, if not to improve my golf game!
NM, it was such a relief to "disclose" to Erica and have it not be major drama. I did it again tonight with someone else. I'll write more as soon as I catch up with you guys!
I'll share a little bit more about my "surgery" this weekend.
It was a big deal to me because it was the first time I've ever been in an ER with stuff hooked up to me, but I just had an abscess (am I spelling that right?), which is just basically an internal pimple.
I totally panicked because I felt a lump on my body and thought I was terminally ill! (And I'll admit that for one millisecond I thought about the law that says you can't divorce a dead person and that if I were to die of terminal cancer before 7/28, I would die still married to Mr. A - UGH! Just admitting what I thought in the moment, though I may edit this out later.)
Anyway, I went to urgent care and they diagnosed it as an abscess immediately. So the big scare was over.
The reason they wanted me to go to the ER, though, is because, had it burst inside of me, it would have made me really sick and miserable with a long recuperation period. So I was never in mortal danger, but they did want to get it "drained" (EEEWWWW!) in a controlled way.
The worst part about the whole thing was the painkillers because they made me hallucinate. In fact (I ain't lyin'!) I actually hallucinated that WH's despicable L was my doctor! Among other things that I can't remember... F*&%!
So going to work and playing golf after were no miraculous feats - though I thank you, NM, for giving me kudos! But I've actually nursed myself pretty tenderly. And I feel a ton better now that the stupid narcotic pain meds have worn off and the lump is GONE!
The bad thing is that I still can't face mediation.
I was supposed to call the mediation facilitator today (WTF? Soooo bureaucratic!) and I didn't. I'll call her Tuesday because she doesn't work Thursdays or Fridays. Luckily I confirmed yesterday that she will be in the office next Tuesday, 7/6.
Journaling: Yesterday I told Erica about my impending divorce and today I told Lois. They both made it into less of a big deal than it seems to me, which was good. I mean, I don't want this to be of other people's concern!
But I did make some significant concessions that I'd like your opinions on and that I also have to sleep on.
I trash-talked Mr. A a little, especially tonight. It was the easy way out but I don't want to keep doing it. You've all heard it before: "You'll find someone better. Why would you want to stay with him anyway?"
When I've heard this from friends in my innermost circle, this is what I say: "Look, deal with it. I love him and I want to. Don't push me on this."
They've pretty much obliged so far.
But now I'm venturing into the second ring of the circle and I don't feel like I can say it that way anymore. So they pose me the same questions, and I'm like, "Yeah, you make a good point."
Or like, "Yep, you're right. I need to just move on."
So where am I? Feeling good that I have supportive friends, even in my second circle. Also feeling bad that those friends have a negative opinion of Mr. A and I haven't spoken up in the other direction.
Well you don't really have to go into details with anyone you don't want to. If they happen to ask about your "situation with Mr. A." you can merely let them know you're getting a divorce and leave it at that. If they pry and ask "Wow - what happened?" you can just respond with "Thanks for your support, but I'd really rather not talk about it" and then change the subject.
Now about those med's - got any left over? I could use a good hallucination or two!
Ok, I just read all the way through the letting go thread posted by Gucci Loafer.
I think I'm letting go without even trying. I mean, at a certain point it gets TOO hard to keep up the energy with a WS who gives you NOTHING.
Sorry to ramble, but I'm really conflicted on this. And my mind has been hyperactive all day. (I guess maybe I can still blame it on the meds a little bit - hahaha!)
But seriously...
I have this paperweight that I've had for a long time. It was given to me by a wonderful mentor who died awhile ago. It says: The secret of success is constancy to purpose.
I keep it on the counter.
For a long time, every time I looked at that paperweight, I was re-energized with respect to Mr. A. My purpose was very clear.
Lately, though, my purpose is murkier. Posts like Gucci's are starting to get to me. I love Mr. A and I would NEVER want him to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. But I still wish he would TRY to have a fulfilling relationship with ME.
So I don't know. I guess I want to "set Mr. A free" - but not just because I lost the drive to keep trying.
