Does DB'ing work if OW is playing the victim?!?!

[MrBond]

You definitely aren't reading it right if that's the case. Bottom line is though - do you want to save your marriage?

[xin]

i do want to save my M, but my H would need to want to do the same for DB'ing to work. Right now, i don't think my H would notice any chance I'm making, in fact it could be viewed as pursuing. I believe my best strategy now is to detach.

I also feel DB is more appropriate for the party wanting out, hence the introduction "Love the one you're with"

[MrBond]

Nope DB'ing is for those who want to save the marriage even if the other spouse doesn't want to. In fact, the whole book focuses on that fact and the idea that you alone can save your marriage.

I doubt that you could have read the whole book in such a short amount of time.

Follow the strategies in there about the no pursuit, etc. That is key.

[xin]

I found the chapter you were referring to. Is detaching part of the LRT?

[MrBond]

Yes it is. I don't think you're at the LRT part yet though. You just need to have a little more patience. Read DB and DR thoroughly and understand the principles. It's definitely not easy, but can be done.

[xin]

Journaling

I'm continuint to detach. Decided to spend a whole day with a friend today. H tried to talk to me about splitting up our furniture, and his plan to move closer to work. I managed to keep my cool, and had the discussion with him. Even managed to tell him it's a good idea for him to move closer to work.

Forced myself to stop worrying about H, to stop wanting to ask how his day was. It's going to help me detach. I've got to do it for my own sanity. I've to learn to let go.

I'm blessed with a supportive family and many supportive friends. I'm going to be ok. I'm going to have to take the plunge into the unknown, and that is kind of exciting.

May God give me strength to continue to detach.

[xin]

I think i'm definitely at the LRT. H says he's in a R with OW and even counsellor said H has emotionally left.

[Kimmie Lee]

You are correct about the DB book. It is practically worthless when a M has deteriorated to the point that yours has.

Throw it out and read DR instead.

And DO NOT MOVE OUT AGAIN! Stay put.

[Kimmie Lee]

Also, I disagree that men are attracted to strong, confident women. Wrong! Most of them just love to be the hero and go into rescue mode.

It's women who are attracted to strong, confident men, not the other way around.

[TimeHeals]

Also, I disagree that men are attracted to strong, confident women. Wrong! Most of them just love to be the hero and go into rescue mode.

While single.... I am attracted to very pretty women. Period. I have to have an actual conversation with the rest of the women to find out I am attracted to one out of a thousand of them.

Hope this helps !

Stay well, Sunshine!