The journey begins

[BobbiJo]

Do you have to keep reminding me they are in first?

Just kidding.

I understand your thought process. Reviewed it with my counselor today in fact. I have tried to 'love unconditionally' and 'take the high road' for so long thinking he would see that I am a 'good person'...she said if our exspouses were logical and rational at this time, they would see that. However one of the reasons we have gotten to this point in our marriages is that they are not acting logically or rationally. Or as she says, "You can't have a satisfying conversation with a 'crazymaker'." And it is true...

Conversely I have gotten to the point recently like you, where I thought, "Well I tried to be nice guy and that didn't work, so time to be the b!tch." But 1)That isn't my real nature so I don't feel comfortable with it and 2)Then it is more being punitive then truly distancing myself, so I am just as enmeshed with him, but in a different way. Make sense?

Hope things become clearer for you...

[ImprovedRomeo]

I'm gonig through the same as you know and like BBJ said I'm being punitive rather than being calm, cool and confident.

I guess I just don't know how to do that. I can't visualize what a calm, cool, confident Romeo would do under these circumstances and during these interactions.

[BobbiJo]

I'm gonig through the same as you know and like BBJ said I'm being punitive rather than being calm, cool and confident.

I guess I just don't know how to do that. I can't visualize what a calm, cool, confident Romeo would do under these circumstances and during these interactions.

I told my counselor just that. I said anymore when the phone rings and it's him, I really don't know how to act. Ignore the call, answer and be short, answer and be cheerful, sheesh! She said honestly at this point I should just limit our interactions as much as possible. Only essential communication about the kids. So ignore the phone calls, check voicemail. If it is urgent they will leave a message with the important information. If they don't, then it doesn't warrant a call-back. Make sense?

[ClingingToHope]

Hey BBJ, another day in first place. Beautiful day for a win. Hey the Cardinals had their decade. 2010 to 2019 is the era of the new Red Machine.

Yes. The struggle is how to act. I've tried to put up a front for the past year. Really I've been putting up a front for five years really.

So I guess angry silence will be fine. It's a 180 in a way. Someday I will wake up and not care -- so much.

Got a text from STBXW while in Chicago. Tonight is family night at D7's camp. I told D7 this morning I couldn't come and she said she was fine with that.

STBXW texted asking if I wanted her to pick up a sandwich for me for tonight's camp?

I texted back that I was in Chicago and wouldn't be coming. And that D7 knew that.

Later she asked if I was taking them Monday -- we both have it off as our July 4 holiday.

It's her weekend and her holiday with the girls. In the past when she's offered me extra time with them it's because she had plans. Well except once. Once she just stayed home with them.

Anyway, I thought about it for a while. I have them six straight days beginning Tuesday and have a lot planned. Monday I have nothing but STBXW doesn't need to know that.

So I texted back I wouldn't be back until 7ish Monday.

I'm considering taking the train into Chicago and hanging out with friends.

It also means she's not using me as baby sitter to hang out for the day with OM.

[ClingingToHope]

Hey, BBJ, glad you made it into the counselor. I still have two sessions left with mine through the company EAP. But I'm on vacation so much I doubt I'll use them until August.

[Gardener]

CTH,

...got a fleeting glimpse of the "For Sale" sign. Ouch. I poured my heart into that place, doing whatever I could to improve it for STBXW. So that hurt, but it's an anchor on me. I can't even think of buying a house until that one sells so -- life goes on.

I understand completely. I have the same feelings, attachments, and memories. And I live there!

[ClingingToHope]

Got up at 5 a.m. to go golfing before work. Felt surprisingly good since I was pretty hammered at the Cubs-Reds game yesterday. I only had to buy one round and had six others bought for me. Ouch.

On the back 9 I get a call from STBXW. She was having a tough morning coordinating the girls. Her mom went out of town and she was counting on her to pick up D7 and D11.

First thing she asked about was if it was true D11 was coming to work for an hour. The family watching her this week has a funeral to go to and I told them they could drop her off here rather than drag her to a funeral.

I said yes.

She said "I thought you were in Chicago."

I told her "That was yesterday. Today I'm working."

She went yammering on and on and I was waiting to hit my shot. Finally, I said "what are you asking me?"

She talks hoping I'll volunteer to do things for her. I don't volunteer anymore.

So she asked if I could pick up D11 after work because she has to work until 6:30 p.m. and she was counting on her mom to pick them up.

I said, yes, I can pick her up.

After hanging up I made a mess of a couple of holes because it brought the anger/resentment back.

But on the short 115 yard par 3 I hit it within three inches of a hole in one. It's the second closest I've ever come. I've never actually had a hole in one. So that snapped me out of it.

D11 just left after hanging out here for an hour. We walked to Subway for lunch. She looks good. The week at her friend's house has been good for her. It's good for me to. By coincidence, D11's best friend is the daughter of a woman who was the daughter of my mom's best friend.

So this whole week she's been getting the good stories about me and my family.

On the way out, D11 told me how mad STBXW was this morning. She was mad at her mom. She was mad at D7, who refused to go to camp, instead wanting to go to daycare, and she was mad at me for not being in Chicago.

I told D11 that STBXW doesn't handle stress well, never has. I also told her I don't have to clear my schedule with STBXW anymore.

D11 asked what I was doing for the weekend. I said I've got a lot of fun things planned and she shouldn't worry about me.

D11 said she wasn't worried about me. She was worried about her and Hannah not having any fun.

I didn't say anything. I can't help that. A minute or so later I told her we'd make up for it next week by having extra fun. And we will. It's going to be a great week.

[awest1217]

Glad to hear that you are a little out of your funk! Down times will come, but they are lasting less so that is good.

[ImprovedRomeo]

That is so awesome about what you told D11 and how they look forward to being with you. Especially since they're girls who're usually more attached to the moms.

I think you also handled the phone convo well. I'm taking notes.

[ClingingToHope]

Well, that was a bit of a downer. I thought I'd get called on the carpet at work for taking off for a baseball game yesterday.

And I was ... and other things were said and, it's not all that important. I'm the only one who does what I do at my job so I have pretty good job security.

I think the higher-ups are feeling some pressure because they are launching a new project this month and they need my work for it to be a success and I'm on vacation for much of it. I'll just have to make a greater effort to be enthusiastic in the meetings. It's hard because I've been here nearly 14 years and heard it all before.