The FT is like a class on how to be a married person... Right now he does not have that education... you are getting a lot of it here, but there's more you can read of course...
He needs at LEAST three months of education learning this stuff on his OWN to prove to you he's committed to this... If he just agrees to it and you let him right back into the marriage he gets a free pass...
If you want to trust his renewed commitment he has to EARN it... Three months at home with no contact from you while HE is learning how to be an adult through a FT is a mild thing to ask of someone... He gets off EASY with that...
I choose three months because it will take at least three months for the withdrawal to pass... In that three months is his biggest test to avoid OW...
If he can't make three months how can he commit to a lifetime with you...
If he breaks NC during that three months he keeps going to FT and starts back at zero again...
Until he's had 3 months NC he lives ALONE...
Also...
j. He has to agree to a STD test. If you have slept with him since he's been with her then you need one too.
