Setting them free

[Swiss Miss]

I really like this thread. This board is great and full of tons of information but I found it difficult to read through so many sitches and glean the important parts when I first found this site. I'd love to see more single-topic threads like this. Like how long until your WAS came around, examples of how people managed to drop the rope, etc. The infidelity forum seems to have a more of those types because of the exposure issue.

I have found that setting my WH free has been the most helpful in my situation. I would have done it from the start if we didn't have a son together, facing the destruction our son's family was almost inconceivable to me at the beginning. Since I've let go of the anger and stopped caring what he does and with whom, I get a lot of reconnecting attempts from WH, which I ignore for the most part because I think he just wants to make sure he's still got me wanting him back. Of course I don't much want him back anymore, which helps. I have now almost perfected softening up a smidgen along with moving on and dropping the rope. I guess they go hand in hand but it's hard to get the balance right.

I've gotten a lot of advice from Allen A on the infidelity board, and he recommends no softening up and to ignore reconnecting attempts while your spouse is still in an A. I did that for a while, but my WH is not crazy in love with OW, seems to be more friends with benefits, and she's still living with her H and as far as I can tell my WH is having some sort of second thoughts. There is no way I'll go running back but I'd love to hear what any other veterans think about how I should respond to WH's overtures, and hopefully other posters might find this helpful. He also thinks I'm too strong and independent, so cutting him off as Allen A recommended totally reinforced that for him, and I think is almost the opposite of dropping the rope because you're trying to control them by not dealing with them while in an A. He puts a ton of thought and effort into his posts which I appreciate a great deal but I know there are other opinions too.