Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

TH, I'm trying to go dark. He is not making it easy. Everything is separated except the car loans, we're on one another's loans but are each making the payments for our respective cars.

~~~~~~~~~~

He e-mailed me at work this morning, put DS as the subject, in the e-mail he asked if he was still getting DS tomorrow, then asked if he was able to get financing would I sign off on the divorce. And he also asked if I would at least sign off on the separation, make that legal. He later called me from his cell phone about 45 minutes before I left work, I went to the bathroom instead. I responded to his e-mail that DS would call him in the morning right before I left for the day. Nothing from him since. I feel like I'm being pressured into this, and I don't want it. All of a sudden he's in some huge hurry to get divorced so I need to jump. Well, I'm not jumping for something that I don't want.

[Four_More_Years]

All of a sudden he's in some huge hurry to get divorced so I need to jump. Well, I'm not jumping for something that I don't want.

Atta girl.

[Mystik]

Nothing more from H last night after that phone call at work. He did call this morning though to make sure we were up beecause he is planning on getting DS from me when I get to work. Naturally when he talked to DS he wanted to talk to me, told DS that it was very important I call him back.

I think if H tries to bring up the divorce I'll tell him I have nothing more to say about it and I can't have this conversation right now.

Still feeling emotionally detached right now, like I have no emotions at all. No happy, no sad, no angry. Just... nothing.

[newmama]

Mystik, you are showing your strong side- I am impressed! I knew you had it but you have been posting about feeling so depressed and lost that it seemed you might be vulnerable. Heck, guess when the going gets tough DO NOT MESS WITH MYSTIK!!!

So just for clarification, your H needs to file, and THEN you sign, right? That is how it works for my county. They fill out the paperwork and file the D before we sign anything!

If that is the case for your county, then heck you do not have to say or do anything about the D!

However, I suggest you keep his emails and record of his MANIPULATIVE attempts to talk to you about the D USING YOUR SON! grrrrr!!! Just in case you need it. ANd be a perfect angel regarding visitation and other stuff right now. Just mind your ps and qs so he can't use anything against you!

[newmama]

Oh and I totally agree with CW-- we want to detach but we can't snap our fingers and make it happen suddenly. Timeheals does make a good point about getting involved in your hobbies to help you move forward and detach.

Except I am learning that when my stbxh says or does certain things, then it sets me back. This might happen to you (and many others as well!) So there is an element to making up our minds to detach!

[Mystik]

Newmama, I don't really know how divorce works for NY, I've never done it before and the only person I know who did used We the People, like H is planning to do and hers was uncontested. Which mine will not be.

I only am strong when my emotions are dead, like they were yesterday. Today they seem to be back unfortunately.

[Mystik]

This morning sucked. It started when I realized on the drive in to work that H and Whore are having the ultrasound today to find out the gender. They are also going to have DS with them, playing happy family in the ultrasound room. This shattered my heart because it's supposed to be me in that room with H and DS, not the Whore! There is a small, selfish part of me that hopes when the brat is born that OW pressures H to spend more time with them than he does with DS, not that I want DS hurt. But I don't want to have to hear from DS or H all about the brat. If he loses interest in DS that's less time I need to see H and deal with the heartbreak over and over and over again.

When H arrived to pick up DS of course he badgered me about the divorce again. Said if he prepares it and I don't have to pay for it, will I sign it. I told him I don't know what I'm going to do, that I had to get to work and turned to walk away. He followed after me saying it wasn't fair, that I had to give him some kind of answer. So I looked him straight in the eye and told him that I don't know yet what I'm going to do and walked away again. That time he let me go. Been fighting back tears ever since. Guess I was wrong about being emotionless, because I sure am feeling heartbreak right now.

My sister is pushing me to make a decision about the divorce. She wants me to decide if I'm going to let H file and sit back and wait to be served, or file myself and have H served so that he can't file on false grounds. My third option is to wait for the governor to sign off on the no-fault divorce bill, making no-faults allowed in NY and let H file on those grounds. I have no idea if H is aware that bill could be signed as soon as today. And I don't know how quickly after it's signed that people can start filing on those grounds, however. According to We the People's website they only do uncontested divorces, so if he files and I dispute the grounds I don't know what will happen after that.

My sister is of the opinion that this divorce is inevitable so I should be proactive about it. I'm of the opinion that this whole situation is some terrible nightmare that I keep praying I'm going to wake up from. I don't want to be the one to file because that could be interpreted as I want this. But I don't want to make it some long, bitter battle in court. However I refuse to take responsibility for the marriage dissolving and if I file then at least H will be held accountable for adultery, abandonment and cruel and inhumane treatment. But I also don't want to burn bridges, you know. I'm definitely not going to sign the papers finalizing it. Signing means I agree with it, and I certainly don't. Which is another problem, does not signing mean I contest it? If it does then once again, H will not be able to use We the People to finalize everything.

[newmama]

Any chance you could tell your H (the next time he asks) that you need some time. You just got the news, you are reeling, and you need some time to absorb it. Please let you have your space.

Something along those lines?

Seriously. What the ^%$# is 2 more weeks going to hurt? BACK OFF BUDDY. LET MYSTIK BREATHE!!!!! It's the least you can do!!!!

[Mystik]

I know! I need time to process everything, to work through the pain. Pressuring me for an answer isn't going to accomplish much.

Been praying on what to do, not getting much of an answer, just silence. But I'll keep praying until something happens. Either I get an answer or I get served.

[Mystik]

Back from getting DS. It was horrible. When DS reached the car he tried to show me the whore's ultrasound picture. I closed my eyes and told DS that I didn't want to see it. He asked why and I said that was something he did with Daddy, not me. So he said, "To keep this away from you I'll give it to Daddy." Let H think what he wants, I just can't handle that whole baby problem.

H got DS buckled in then told me letting DS leave some voicemail for him was low, that DS would only get the idea H left him from overhearing me say it during some conversation. (Whenever H calls to talk to DS or DS calls H I leave the room so I have no idea what was said in the voicemail.) I said that H did leave DS by default. H said no, he left me not DS. I told him that he left the family. He repeated he left me and I repeated he left the family. So H walked away and I left, and cried half the drive home.