H also texted me again: What are you girls doing? I didn't respond and an hour later he said "Remember I have a legal right to know" (I used this on him last night). STill haven't responded. Thoughts?
couldn't Melody let him know that he does not need to be texting her? That she will let him know if there is a problem? I mean she still gets to take the upper hand and have control by informing him.
It's just that I have observed time and again that ignoring the WAS without explanation just looks like games. The WAS gets more angry and then it can make the situation more contentious.
Of course y'all can disagree with me!!! Just my 2 cents.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
What do you think about bringing in a third party such as your H's sister to handle exchanging DD... He drops her off with his sister, you pick her up, you drop her off with his sister and he picks her up?
It doens't have to be his sister, but a family member or friend who is part of the exposure group and who is marriage friend is what you are after... sisters are a good choice usually...
I think you read protection.pdf right so you know what I am talking about?
Because if his work DID say soemthing he may be waiting to get in person with you and then blast you... I am trying to avoid that scene for you...
And this change in child care exchange system may also put him on the defensive.. which is what you want... you want your H feeling uncertain.. you don't want him thinking you are in his pocket and he's roaming fancy free here... which it sounds like he is right now...
YOu want him sweating bullets... the exposure to his work will do that, but there are other ways to apply pressure such as the one i suggested here...
And I am also thinking that if his workplace IS going to let someone go they will hold off on saying anything to anyone... they need to collect their OWN CONCRETE INTEL before terminating anyone for indiscretion... they can't just fire someone without legal cause and cause takes time to prove... They could even hire a PI to collect that...
If I were an exec of an acct firm I would hire a PI to watch the two for two weeks... if i found anything I would terminate the senior staff member and put the other one on probation...
This is giong to take time I think... so you may want to arrange an intervention of sorts from his family
And of course another is to leave DD with in laws, email WS and update him of that and then go out...
he WILL ask where yo're going...
You just IGNORE that text message ... ignore it all NIGHT LONG
Pick DD up in the morning from in laws again...
Your H will be sweating bullets wondering where you went and what you did...
Just hang out with his sister for the night... hang otu someplace with a family member who can verify this later...b ut right now leave him out of hte loop on where you went or what you were doing...
couldn't Melody let him know that he does not need to be texting her? That she will let him know if there is a problem? I mean she still gets to take the upper hand and have control by informing him.
Okay - I hear what you r saying but I don't fully get how to meld it with my sitch. How can I demand he tell me where he's taking dd if I won't tell him? If I refuse to respond, what if he does the same while he has my dd?
I ended up sending him a four word text "at home - swimming later" as my response. I later had dd call him, as he requested. Again, I'm thinking that I don't want him not having her call me when he has her.
Also: he has one more day of work and then has a week off. He wants to take dd for much of that time - we haven't officially negotiated start and end times except that he can pick her up on Saturday. The big problem he's encountering is that he has no where to take her overnight. He might be able to stay with a single male friend, but I think he knows she would tell me and that would put him in a bad situation. I'm not really worried about my dd if he did that - the guys I can think that he'd ask are good guys and wouldn't pose a risk to my dd. My dd really misses her dad and is bummed every night when I tell her he won't be home. So I want to do what needs to be done to affair bust, but not hurt my dd in the process.
In terms of passing her thru someone, I have to admit I'm nervous I am wearing out my welcome with so many requests to people. Saw SIL at MIL's house tonight (was a surprise - didn't know it would happen). I think MIL told her that I sent work email - she was nice to me but didn't even mention getting together tomorrow. The real test will be if she texts me tomorrow about getting together - if not, then she's decided I've gone too far. MIL was still nice and cordial to me irregardless.
I've got GAL plans Saturday: dancing with coworkers (female!). I'm assuming my H will have dd, but if not, I will ask MIL to watch her. Yeah, my H doesn't like me going out - found that out last weekend. I have not and never will cheat, tho, so I'm not planning revenge of that sort.
Still slightly worried that he will be so low once work exposure is obvious that he won't think he can ever pull himself out of the hole - and he will blame it all on me. But too late - just have to wait and see what happens.
Just my 2 cents.