There is a chapter specifically devoted to infants/toddlers experiencing divorce. Your library probably has it.
(((hugs)))
Last edited by flowmom; 07/01/1009:23 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks everyone! Yes, FM, the library does have it. I will have to dig up my library card, lol!
Not ready to be thrilled about OW an stbxh playing happy family WITH MY SON. I never ever ever will be thrilled and I don't have to be! waaaah! (stomping my feet!)
Seriously, why do I need to be happy for them? I don't see the benefit.
But I can rest with the fact that S will be his dad and he will safe. That is it.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Not ready to be thrilled about OW an stbxh playing happy family WITH MY SON. I never ever ever will be thrilled and I don't have to be! waaaah! (stomping my feet!)
Seriously, why do I need to be happy for them? I don't see the benefit.
But I can rest with the fact that S will be his dad and he will safe. That is it.
Same with me. That's how I consoled myself, that DS was with his father and was safe, that I can't control who his father brings him around much as I would like to.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Not ready to be thrilled about OW an stbxh playing happy family WITH MY SON. I never ever ever will be thrilled and I don't have to be! waaaah! (stomping my feet!)
You don't have to be thrilled. But the book that I recommended has a lot of ideas of how parents can affect the outcome of how divorce affects their children. The attitudes and emotions that you project about your WH and your S's life with him will have a huge impact on your S.
(((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
FM sorry- getting the book was not connected to what I said about me not being thrilled about S "happy family" with OW and stbxh.
I was trying to address your post in the same reply is all.
Hopefully I am not offending people when I just say I am not happy that OW will be in his life and never will be. ANd I think that is okay.
Thanks for reading my moody posts and trying to comfort me though. I know your hearts are in the right spot.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Thanks CW! You too! I bought a t-shirt with some patriotic design this year! It was $4 and I thought "why not?" but didn't find one for S.
I felt progress with detaching today when I saw stbxh for pick up/drop off. He brought me some teething tablets and said "PEOPLE tell me these are supposed to help." I said "PEOPLE, huh? Well actually I already have these so you can take them back with you. Thanks though." (that is an abbreviated version of what I said- I wasn't that snippy IRL!)
for those not on my wavelength, PEOPLE=OW.
I saw that he got something from the county courthouse (yep, mail will be coming to my house still, for awhile until the address change takes effect). So I told him "I think this could be divorce stuff. What is it?" he opened it and it was Jury duty--we both laughed because he has been called for jury duty about 2x per year since I have known him! AND I NEVER have been called! (knock on wood).
So then I was staying at the door, handing S over, trying to give a quick run down of his naps, eating, mood, etc to stbxh. He could tell I just wanted him to get the F out of there! lol!
So he said "well mommy has to get to her class, so we will say bye bye now!"
haha!
Then I was annoyed when I came home and saw his car was in the driveway. A couple weeks back, I told him on Thurs nights if he needed he could bring S back to go to bed earlier if he can't wait until 8:45. Well it REALLY bothered me that he was in MY house whenI wasn't there (my house was A MESS because I went out of town yesterday), even though I told him awhile back that it was ok. So I couldn't be mad at him- he didn't do anything wrong. Luckily he just got there so he wasn't hanging out (he was in the bathroom, lol!)
Before he left, I went through the schedule and discussed days where I had plans and would appreciate flexing on the pick up/drop off times. I am going to the beach in late August with friends and want to bring S, but he will be away from stbxh for 5 days. So I told him that was my wish, to take him with me, and we could figure out how to make up the time for him.
I added "I am sure you will want to take him with you on vacations some time" and stbxh said "I don't know if I ever will have time this summer for a vacation, but yeah, in the future."
And then we reiterated that S' dr. appt was on Tues, his birthday. I added "yeah and I have to go to custody class that night, too." I didn't hide my disappointed tone.
He said "oh you start that early, huh?" I didn't ask when he started. Must be August.
I get to see my IC on Monday instead of the 12th! It will be a relief I think...I want to get his take on how to approach "the day of S' birth" with stbxh and some other stuff too!
But, the biggest progress toward detachment today was recognizing that I am ready to not be that interested in stbxh's life, he is my son's father (baby daddy) and I can conclude that he is just an immature, foolish guy who thought he could handle marriage and thought he knew what he wanted.
Maybe he will learn from his mistakes, maybe not. If he learns and wants to R when and I am not attached to someone new, then I will be open. But who knows WHEN that will happen so I need to just find a way to block him out of my mind and "free myself" from thinking about him. He is that loop that computer programmers refer to "does not compute"-- so I will no longer waste my energy thinking about why he is doing this and what will happen next. I mean it!
I know I said it before but I am ready now. My life goes on with S...thank God I have my job,too!
Last edited by newmama; 07/02/1006:08 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I think it would be helpful for you because it has a chapter on babies/toddlers.
(((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
