Coach, I agree that he is being manipulative with my W, as I pointed out in the email to her. I will not be a bystander, and allow this behavior to continue without some response. You would have worded it differently. A real boundary is one that works, regardless of how it is acted or worded. We'll wait and see how she responds to my email. I like the way you worded your boundary, and may use a version of it in a future email.
I'm planning the words for my next email or conversation, so will consider your advice. At some point, I'll probably threaten going to an attorney. I believe in giving her every chance to cease the behavior--sleeping overnight or having him over. My guess is, I can get her to respect the boundaries--she has too much to lose.
My approach is to not focus on controlling her, to treat her with respect, and to focus on logical consequences to her behavior, and provide support to help resolve the problem.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
