All the signs are there that H is in MLC...but how do you know for sure? Maybe he is WAS because he is saying in actions that he wants to be with OW...introducing her to his family and not wavering any longer as he was before, he behaves like he is done...at least from what I can see.
I'm still believing that he is MLC...So if the key is to outlast his MLC and be the better option...how do I achieve this without being used and abused. I'm between a rock and a hard place being in business with him.
Do I answer that phone for him while he is vacationing with OW? Do I cover for him while he is on his 2-week visits with OW...do I do that without a word to him even if I feel used?
Somebody please let me know what a lovingly detached person in this situation would do.
Dudess - I know that nothing is working...being his friend didn't work and going dim is not working either. What other option are there?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Once I tried to learn how to play the piano but I gave up after a day because it didn't seem to be working.
Tell me what is wrong with my thinking above.
As an LBSer you ACCEPT a certain ammount of abuse and you do this because you have this desire to be married to the person who is having an MLC.
YOU accept this. You suffer for your children right? They can treat us like dirt at times...yet we love them, unconditionally, but oh no not our crazy spouse. Not them.
Look Mila how do you know for sure, no...
You determine if he is in MLC, that's on you. No one here is a professional to make that diagnosis, and no professional would do it without actually seeing the person in the flesh and talking with them.
MLC seems like a last resort for people...because at least there is a chance of them coming back.
This is tough I am pretty sure everyone here told you that form the get go.
YOU have it harder.
You and he are in a business together. So you have to dettach emotionally, but not professionally. Not sure I could do that. Pretty sure I couldn't actually. Me? I'd get a new job, seprate the two.
Until then, I'd blow smoke up the customers ass and tell them she is on vacation...because she was (hypothetical)...even if that vacation was here going to Columbia to try her hand at smuggling coke.
How dare he?
HE dares all the time. Get used to it, get immune to it. You seem to think he is rubbing your face in it. Think about it, he didn't want your daughter to tell you...is THAT rubbing your face in it?
The crap you know from the OW's H ISN'T helping you, it is hurting you.
Get a life, focus on yourself. Look for a new job seprate yourself from him if you are unable to keep business business.
You say his convictions have firmed up? Have you been pressuring him? Making him feel like crap? Curious...look deep with that answer.
Used and Abused...ONLY because you are business partners who were married.
IF you were business partners...without the whole being married with a kid....you might say something about him giving her a discount and crap...but right now he'd just be on vacation.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Dudess - I know that nothing is working...being his friend didn't work and going dim is not working either. What other option are there?
Why not post on gucci's thread on newcomers and just see what his take is on it. It wouldn't mean you have to commit to that approach, just gathering information about possible options.
I don't think your H really believes that he may lose you for good, and maybe that is exactly the wake up call he needs to turn this around.
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
For those of you hurting and searching for your answers...
Setting them free is the key... It will also begin to set YOU free...
Love works best when it is freely given..
This means to those of you who have a wayward that your chances to reconcile will be maximized when you really set your wayward free to go. They have to feel that they are totally free.... As Dobson says.. Let the cage door open and let them out...
Funny thing is that once they have their freedom it suddenly doesn't have the same pazazz as they once thought it would. They have been trying so hard to get out of your grasp that they didn't have time to think about what they would feel once they were really free of you.... Think about that
I know this from my own experience with women and from my own observations...
Any thoughts? Anybody looking for help in setting them free? The faster you do, the faster things progress. Not only for YOU but maybe even for the whole relationship...
I have heard many people say "I don't want to look back and say that I didn't try everything"
Have you really tried setting them free? for good?
Because the strategies seldom work together for...confronting and making demands of the spouse and cutting them off completely.
It seems you completely misunderstand the alternate strategy. It does NOT involve demands, confrontation, or cutting them off.
In other area's those strategies are or have been suggested Dudess.
They might not the ones you are talking about but I wasn't aware you were being specific about just one alternate stratgey.
That air of superiority in dissmissing me, feel good? : )
I am sorry that you felt dismissed Jack. That was certainly not my intention. I wanted to emphasize that the approach gucci uses is the opposite of the things you mentioned. Because I posted a link to his thread, I thought it would be clear that was what I was talking about.
