no, I actually don't feel like I'm taking a beating. as I said I know it all comes from the right place. I really do. And I am listening and processing.
Entitlement--
I guess that I do feel entitled to some degree... I worked very hard for my family over the last 9 years to get a job that would allow us to pay off our debts and begin living a happy life together. All of those nights, all of those days, all that lack of sleep is tolerable to some degree because you know that some day you are working towards a better life for you and your family. when people ask me what I do I tell them I work at the hospital.. or I am a doctor. I didn't do what I do to prance around town as the BMOC... I did it because it I felt challenged by it, interested in it... compelled to do it. so with all that being said, I guess I feel entitled to reap some of the benefits from all those hard years and all that hard work. not to be living alone, missing my boys, being betrayed by my wife. I don't think I "deserve" that... so perhaps I do feel entitled to a better outcome than the one I got. Also- all of my peers are living the dream now-- they have wives who stuck with them and are now doing their thing. So I do look across the fence at that and envy that.
I suppose that is how I would define it.
Now, did I take my wife and the life that I had for granted before I lost it? Yes. No doubt about that. Why? I'm still figuring that out.
