Sandi has given you some great wisdom. Remember, men and women are wired differently. Men can get into a shouting match, throw a punch, then 1/2 hour later have a beer and say "don't worry about it, all is well".
A woman can feel like somebody looked at her weird and not forget about it for years, if at all. Feelings, intuition, perception, whatever you want to call it.
Obviously it's unknown if your wife will file or push for divorce at the one year mark, but I do believe this. She is just fine being single right now. Responsible only for herself in regards to time, money, friends, etc.
She knows overall what you are up to. You have known each other long enough that she knows your basic habits, interests, etc. You do still spend too much energy obsessing with what she is thinking. You can stop obsessing and still love her, that's a big part of what detaching is all about.
Mza8, thanks for the post on my thread. I need to consider all my options moving forward.
As for you, keep doing what's best for you right now. As long as you don't suspect OM in W's life, keep working at it.
Once I found out my W hooked up on her vacation, it was my turning point. To be honest, if my W said to me today she would want to try again, I would really have to think hard about it. She hasn't "shown" me anything self improvement on her end so her words would mean nothing to me.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Yes, I've been given some great advice by Sandi, Gucci, Puppy, Coach, CG, Greek and many others. I'm very grateful. I'm following what Gucci suggested. I believe he has it correct in what I need to do to give me any chance with my W. It took me a long time to realize it but I'm there now.
Hi Gr8. Yes, I'm still going to work on this and try. Still no evidence of OM. I still want this M more than anything. I want it so much that I'm willing to let her go. It feels so strange to say that I'm willing to let her go to get a chance to get her back.
I haven't heard from W in three weeks. I haven't tried to contact her. Just going on about my business and doing my thing. I'm taking care of the house and not asking her for anything. As Coach suggets, I'm trying to lead.
Who knows what will happen. Time will tell.
mza8
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Detachment seems to be the hardest part for the LBS to grasp. Maybe we don't do a very good job explaining, but it's kind of hard to do. Try to think of it as a different way of thinking. It's not that you're being told to stop loving your W. That's not it at all. You've not been told to be mean or cold hearted toward her. You've been told to think with a different attitude in order to be a stronger person, right? You've been told how to behave in a better manner, right? Who told you to stop having feelings? As long as they are strong, positive, healthy emotions then who could object to that? You have been advised how to DB and what will make you a better person. We're hoping that you will be much more attractive to your W, but if she presists in wannting a D...you will be strong instead of co-dependent of her. Isn't that what you want? Surely you do not want to be in an unhealthy R with her.
How can I help you wrap this around your head better?
Thanks Sandi. I can wrap my head around this explanation. This makes more sense to me. I guees I thought letting go of my W (detachment) meant letting go of my feelings (love) for her. Glad I was wrong about that.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I believe there are a few ways to detach, you have to find the right way for your situation.
For you mza8 I think if you think of her more as a friend and treat her as you would treat some other female friend, you will have a better disposition.
People do change over time little by little unbeknownst to the individual.
It's like seeing a friend everyday and you see a gradual weight gain in them. However someone who hasn't seen them in awhile would be suprised to see how much weight they gained.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
MZA8, Where are you in MD? I grew up in Parkville?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I left MD when I graduated college in '86, back when the Os were still great. We used to fill up coolers with beer at the bars outside Memorial Stadium. My BIL is the executive chef at Maryland CC. I worked at Webers Farm for years as a kid and loved it. Used to roam all over Towson, Fells Point and Charles Village. Our local pub was Jerry Ds on Harford Rd. If anyone talks about eating french fries and gravy I know they are from B-More. All my family still live out in Perry Hall and Towson.
I coach lax and have taken some teams to play in tournaments at Goucher. I love the area but the traffic would drive me nuts on a daily basis now if I had to commute. It's funny when I go back and hear the local dialect now. You goin downy oshun this weekend?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It's funny when I go back and hear the local dialect now. You goin downy oshun this weekend?
Yeah Hon! I'm goin' dony oshun Hon. Haha...you have to be from Baltimore to understand that. Os-Strohs-and-Natty Bohs Hon! Love it.
There was a big lax tournament here this spring...Lax Splash.
My W and I used to go to O's games at Memorial Stadium when we were dating. We would stop at the local KFC and get a bucket of chicken and take it into the stadium. Don't allow that at Camden Yards. I miss those times. Man, that seems so long ago. Hopefully the O's will be good again...one day.
Small world. You said your BIL is the exec chef at MCC. I think I might know him. My W's parents are members there and we would go there for dinner often. Nice place.
Yes, the traffic around Towson and 695 is terrible. I try to take the back roads. Goucher is nice. My W went there.
A lot of my friends live in Perry Hall and White Marsh. It's a little quieter up here in Bel Air. Do you get back here much to visit your family? Is Greek from MD too?
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
