Let me see if I can offer the Cliff's Notes version:
Dbing advocates exposing the WS, cutting off all ties, allowing the affair to crash and burn, and THEN slowly work towards reconciling. No pursing, no coddling - just "tough love" and plenty of it.
Larry's version also advocates limiting contact and no pursuing, yet he says make each interaction short, pleasant, and stress-free. Why? Because it confuses and disarms WS!
Angry people feed off of each other. Tit for tat, offense/defense. If every interaction with your spouse is stressful, you start avoiding each other or gearing yourself for a fight every time you see them. Kind of hard to mend a marriage that way.
So Larry says DON'T fight. Stand your ground, grow strong and confident, but limit your contact with WS and make each interaction pleasant. It will take the steam right out of 'em.
Not that they won't try to draw you into a fight - they will. That's where WH and I are right now. He's ignoring schedules, being a pain with money, doing his own thing - in part to test his limits, in part to try and tick me off. Which is why I come here to vent and ask questions. He's already got one foot out the door and is looking for ANY excuse to leave.
I'm not taking the bait. It's hard as hell some days, but I'm not falling for it. Eventually, he'll stop trying. Kind of hard to fight with someone who's only ever pleasant in return. I mean you can only shout at a puppy for so long before you start to feel like a heel!
But you know who will fight? OW. She's got the tongue and disposition of a viper and while I'm fun and playful like a puppy, she'll snarl and growl like the b*tch she is. One day soon she's gonna say or do something SO stupid that WH's gonna chew her up and spit her out and step over her body on the way out the door. Then he won't be able to get her out of her fast enough.
So that's the plan. After all this time, let's hope it's sooner rather than later...
