Thanks for responding DDay. You are right, I need to take the emotions out of it. However, if the goal here is to restore the R, I want to do what works, not what I think is right?
Actually, she showed me the document that was submitted by her attorney to the court and served to my attorney and there was not a request to have me removed from the house. I suppose it could still be argued, but I think she is being genuine, albeit for her own self-interest.
She is currently working part-time and with 20 years experience she would have first, or almost first choice on any position she wants that becomes available. She knows she has to go back full-time, but says she wants to wait to help get the kids through this. However, in other breaths, she says she doesn't think this will be a big deal for them. Totally contradictory. She could also get a part-time waitress job to supplement, as she has a lot of experience doing that.
I'm nt sure what you are talking about on the initial request to leave. One day when we were arguing about OM she said if I couldn't "deal with it" I should get the F out. I told her to get the F out. Then when she filed, I asked her "Why don't you just leave now?" I don't know legally how I could have backed that up, as we own the house jointly.
You are right about the inner voice, she said almost exactly what you did above. However, what she isn't seeing is that it doesn't HAVE to be like THIS anymore, but she has to be willing to work on it and she is not.
So you are telling me to get ruthless, request that she move out and get this set-up like the divorce will look, right? Part of me thinks it would be good to live like this for a while before the divorce is final and things are set in stone. However, part of me wants to do what will work best to restore the R and I am not sure what that is at this point, but I need to decide quickly. Some of the guys on this website are being told to be friendlier and try to nurture things. Maybe my situation is more desperate and calls for more desperate measures.
Thank you so much for the perspective DDay. Deep down I know you are probably right and you haven't steered me wrong yet, but I'd like to also hear what some others think.
