Dazed and Confused...Need Advice!!!!

[sandi2]

From what I've read, the detaching is probably the hardest step there is to do in DBing. For one thing, it is very difficult for the LBS to understand. Due to the pain & stress, I believe his mind is somewhat fogged, too.

I think the LBH is too worried about that his love for his WAW will NOT show through to her. He's too concerned that he'll appear to be distant or cold. But his WAW doesn't want his love, affection, attention, time, etc. Do you get that? She doesn't want it. Now remember that I'm talking about a woman in an affair. Her H turns her off in just about everyway you can imagine! I don't know how to make it any more clear.

My question to the LBH is why....WHY are you trying to make so darn sure she has your undying love when she could care less? She needs to be concerned....she should worry....if she has any of your love left. Instead of trying to prove your love, your trust in her, she should be thinking carefully about what she's done to distroy what you once felt for her.

When she throws the bomb on him, it throws him into a panic and he suddenly is overcome by his love for her......and feels that he must convince her how strongly he loves her. He worries about her doubting he loves her. Now tell me where that makes any sense!

But here's the thing; he must do what he "feels" is entirely opposite. This is not the time to be smothering her...and that is exactly how she would feel whenever you would try to prove how much you love her. I can see it throughout posts of LBH's but they have a hard time seeing it in themselves. But I know the heart of a WAW in an A. It ain't pretty! The only thing that might get her attention is if she thinks she lost something she once had.

He has to use tough love. He must pull away in order to draw her in. Just as if he had a rope tied to her....and he backed away, it would automatically pull her toward him. But if he doesn't do that, then she'll walk away from him, dragging him after her.