...She wasn't rejecting me. She was rejecting sex. But that was hard to see when she would laugh at me...or call me a pervert...
...But those things were her way of making excuses and placing blame. As Young at Heart says, it hurt her too. Honestly, we both blamed her and thought there was something wrong with her, that she was failing to live up to her obligation as a wife. She was miserable. She thought she was a horrible person and a horrible wife (and I did not disagree, though it took me a long time to admit it.) Don't be too sure your husband doesn't feel the hurt.
Wow! Not rejecting you but rejecting sex is a great insight.
My wife's individual sex therapist/doctor told her that the principal reason that older women (who have no medical problems) don't have sex with their husbands is because they are deeply angry at their husbands about something that happened long ago. She then said that if you are really angry with someone and don't want to forgive them, the last thing you want to do is have sex with them, even if you love them.
I remember many times my very successful wife crying and saying that sex and being a good wife were the only areas in her life where she was a failure. I tried to remind her of some of my most erotic experiences that she caused and that I will probably bring a smile to my face for as long as I live. I told her that a woman who can do those kinds of things is not a failure at sex or being a wife.
One of the things discussed in MWD's SSM is that it really takes two to fix a SSM and that ultimately both share in the responsibility for a marriage problems. While MWD makes a good point that it only takes one party to start the healing process, both parties need to take some responsibility for the problems. I was lucky and admitted that to my wife early. Ultimately she had help in recognizing her contributions to the problem.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
