After following along with your posts, imo, you are so afraid you are going to 'do' the wrong thing that you read other posts and take from them what YOU feel will help YOU not your sitch.
And lastly, please listen to your 'GUT' and NOT your heart. The 'gut' most generally knows....we have to learn to listen.
Please follow the advice of these wonderful people. (Puppy, CG, Gucci) They really are trying to help you.
Believe me I KNOW how hard it is to let go.....but, I wonder if you are hanging on because all YOU have known is her for your adult life.
Change is scary, but, I think it is time to listen.
Exactly. You have to let go and detach. It is hard and I am almost completely there. You have to quit using your feelings and do whats right. Try to let it come naturaly, don't force yourself, the spouse can see it. If I do something wrong, I make a big note of it...DONT DO 'THIS' AGAIN.
What I see on your post is you are not validating her. My W almost always brings up our past 10 years somehow in every conversation. I have learned to shut up and listen. Listen to her every word, and validate her needs, concerns, and needs. It is starting to work. She knows I won't argue with her, but am now listening. It is slowly working, little by little.
You need to stop arguing. As Coach said in a previous post,
Agree
Drop the Rope
Validate
Just these 3 (plus the others) make a big difference and is a great start.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
