Dazed and Confused...Need Advice!!!!

[CD Bear]

How do I detach without giving the impression that I do not love her anymore? It just seems to me that if I stop givig her attention that she will think I am done.

That's the Million Dollar question and I am also becoming concerned in my thread as well. I just asked for a little more assistance on this. If it helps, my concern is that my detachment appears to her as the 'same' lack of attention/affection I displayed before (albeit for different reasons now) However, you NEED to emotionally detach from her. It helps keep your emotions in check when you deal wit hthis thus preventing an escalation. Second, if it does go full D, you'll already be half-way to rebuilding your life. Third, it will keep you grounded enough to make your S the #1 concern in your life. If I learn anything more, I'll put it here for you.

Ahh, that would be a no. The only time I get to myself I had to fight for and I won becasue it was for somethnig I wanted to do. But every week there she is complaining that she has to pick my son up so I can go play soccer.

You HAVE to get stronger on this. If she is talking D, she's gonna need to hold up her end of the "end-game". How does she behave when you are the primamry care-giver? Come and go as she pleases? Text you at 5 pm on Tuesday that she won't be home tonight? If so, YOU MUST TAKE the same opportunities for your own space to grow and Get A Life.

I am actually getting really sick of the whole thing. The longer this goes on the less I want to be with her.

And that is something you and I will have to consider carefully IF our W's "come out of the ether". But until then, I am operating like it's my D and me.

One thing that has started to bother me is the way she treats my S. The way she yells at him and the way that she acts I think she totally gets from the way her mother treated her. I can totally see it and it is WRONG. She needs help, I am worried what will happen if I remove what support I have left for her.

You need to address this. And speak only for your S's protection.
"You cannot treat him that way. Your frustration with your life is not his fault. If you cannot control your emotions around him, I will (get CPS involved?; require supervision when you are with him?;, etc)" I don't know what your legal options are there but you have to make S #1. Do you have any other witnesses to her bhvr around your son?

Regarding No More Mr NG, I am excited about putting some of these changes into my life. I believe that there is as much to do with these issues that lead to my contributions to our M as those found in DB. Wish I'd seen it sooner. I'm hoping the expression "never too late" is true.