Thanks for reminding me it's all part of the process. I just don't know why it has to be today of all days that I am feeling so much pain... Not that it's EVER convenient! I've been so strong, for the most part, but today I feel lower than ever. Not even sure why, esp. since H decided he would go to MC and all. But who says any of this makes sense??? I have experienced all of that to some degree and varying points but am surprised to feel it all at once right now.
Stop trying to make sense out of nonsense... the analysis will make you ill... I've been there... Just maintain your efforts on your goals and when you aren't doin that you do something fun to take your mind off the problems
Stop trying to make sense out of nonsense... the analysis will make you ill... I've been there... Just maintain your efforts on your goals and when you aren't doin that you do something fun to take your mind off the problems
Good point! I think I need to do some re-reading as well - to keep focused. I'm letting my feelings determine my actions rather than the other way around right now. I'll give myself a break though. It's just been this morning, so I can forgive a morning's worth, lol.
Last night, for H's birthday, I did cook a nice meal and make him a cake. We did cards/presents afterwards: nothing hugely significant but my parents had sent him a nice card and a few things and of course, the kids got cards. Mine was just generic and I didn't go overboard or anything but felt I made a nice gesture of making his favorite meal. Don't worry though - I didn't fawn over him or anything like that. I acted very business-like. He said several times how great the meal was... and he loved the watch the kids and I got him. He just seems so sad to me - so depressed acting. I even scratched his back for him for awhile before going to sleep. NOT in a sexual way at all - and not in a "pining" kind of way. I don't know how to explain the difference. He asked me to, so I complied, caring, but more like when I would scratch the kids backs when they were younger and needing to get to sleep. I don't think it was a mistake...
He's mentioned his appointment several times today by email - making sure of when it is. (Not reading anything into that though.)
Just to add - for Allen's sake, lol - I did the whole dinner thing because it was his birthday - and because the kids wanted/expected to celebrate. I know I'm supposed to not be doing this stuff for him, so to speak. :-)
The kids are at the point where they think everything is fine: maybe not GREAT, but fine. They don't realize their dad is still thinking of leaving. Our families and friends don't know anything about this either for the most part. Well, I know H has talked to some people about it but I honestly don't even know who. My family knows nothing. H's family really has nothing to do with us so exposing would not even be effective. It's not anything bad. They are just self-absorbed and into their own lives. Our kids haven't gotten so much as a birthday card from them over the last 10 years. Both of our families are out of state for that matter. We have no close relatives or even friends we hang out with. (Sad - and probably part of our problem, I'm sure.)
THe reason why waywards are sad is because they are giving up on their marriage...
To their mind the marriage isn't meeting their needs and in their head they have exhausted all useful avenues of repair.. so they are resignign themselves to a failed marriage slowly, in thier MIND... this happens gradually over the course of time... hopelessness manifests itself as sighing, frowns, pessimistic statements, negative commentary, cyncism, and general distance and uncooperative approaches to living in the marital home...
Its not you, its his choices, his respnose to his dissatisfactionw the marriage
THe reason why waywards are sad is because they are giving up on their marriage...
To their mind the marriage isn't meeting their needs and in their head they have exhausted all useful avenues of repair.. so they are resignign themselves to a failed marriage slowly, in thier MIND... this happens gradually over the course of time... hopelessness manifests itself as sighing, frowns, pessimistic statements, negative commentary, cyncism, and general distance and uncooperative approaches to living in the marital home...
Its not you, its his choices, his respnose to his dissatisfactionw the marriage
It may not "be me" but it sure makes ME feel like crap! lol However, I know I can do nothing about it other than to keep focusing on myself.
Just read my parents' card to H for his birthday. Wow...if that doesn't make him feel a bit bad, nothing will. The card was "To our son". They both wrote very personal notes to him about how proud they are of him - and what a great man and father he is... if they only knew. My dad's note is especially poignant because H has never had a dad in his life really, that treated him well yet my dad has always considered him a son and not just SIL. H has a lot of respect for my dad, so, I hope reading all of that (from a man who does not share his feelings much) will get to him a little! Probably not so much my mom as she's kind of a pain that we all endure - even though she's good-hearted.
Not much of an update for me this morning as things were status quo last night. Although, H did call on his way home and wanted son and I to go to dinner. (The other 2 kids were out.) Son wanted to go so we did. It was pleasant enough and then, of course, H came home - went running - and played XBox. He hadn't been running the past 4-5 nights because of his sore leg but decided he needed to last night after the big dinner, I guess. I was going to offer to bike along, but he left while I was upstairs doing something and I didn't even know it. Still no luck with the cellphone! He either has it with him or I sleep through in the morning and can't be sure whether he's always taking it in the bathroom when he showers. I guess I'm just too used to sleeping through his morning alarms.
Having said all of that...I do have the appointment today with the counselor and then his is tonight. I left all of the paperwork for him on his desk that he has to fill out and he was asking me about it. He seems pretty glad to be going.
I am preparing a list of all the programs that I have been checking out to give the counselor: this one, the Mort and Larry ones, etc... I want the counselor to know my philosophy on how this whole FT should go! I know she has to be completely objective with him tonight, but I want to make sure she and I are on the same page! I don't know what it is, but I am not looking forward to going today. I think I'm just tired of dealing with all of this. I want a break from it. I find myself wishing H would just go on a business trip for a few weeks so I could just not have to deal with it all for awhile! Every now and then that text msg he sent to his old girlfriend just pops in my head and I want to throw up!!! During those moments, I'll be honest - I just want him gone. So little respect for that.
,