Dazed and Confused...Need Advice!!!!

[SMM23]

My advice- and I'm not an expert but only where my path led me- is to "inform her" that the constant use of the phone for text or talk is disturbing; distracting and disrespectful to your child and you. If she asks why, it's because "it's secretive and makes you emotionally absent". If she says it's not then ask her to unlock the phone for you so you can have a look. She won't. Proves your point. "If it is not appropriate for me to see it, then it's inappropriate. Therefore, disrespectful. If you must use it, then I will only accept that you leave the room to read it or reply. That way you will also see how little time you are really spending with our child"

I tried a different approach about a year ago. Everytime she got on the phone to text or search the web I would ask who she was talking to and what she was doing. After a while she asked what my [explitive] problem was. I asked her if I was annoying her and she said yes. I said well, that is becasue I said somethnig everytime you were on the phone. So if you were annoyed becasue I was constantly saying somethign, that tells tyou how much you were on your phone. She just said whatever.

I would work a little more on detaching. What I've been told is her kissing hugging are a) guilt relief b)checking to see she can still spin your plate c) trying to preserve you as a friend (which you will NOT settle for) d)cake eating. You have to draw the line. You can't detach if she keeps physically holding on. She certainly won't be doing this after a D so why now?

How do I detach without tgiving the impression that I do not love her anymore? It just seems to me that if I stop givig her attention that she will think I am done.

Though it may not apply to you, have a look at No More Mr Nice Guy by Glover. Read it in an Indigo or something. You may find some perspective on how you are NOT getting what you want. I was afraid of conflict or making it worse. How could this be worse? Divorce is my last option and I'm in it already. Can't be worse. No fear. The Limbo Land is worse. Neither in nor out.

I read about this book on another thread. I fit this situation to the T. So I will be going to get that book.

Are you getting YOUR two days a week where she covers YOU off to come home at 10?

Ahh, that would be a no. The only time I get to myself I had to fight for and I won becasue it was for somethnig I wanted to do. But every week there she is complaining that she has to pick my son up so I can go play soccer.

I am actually getting really sick of the whole thing. The longer this goes on the less I want to be with her. And ESPECIALLY her crack pot family. I never liked her family and they are INSANE. They treat her like total garbage and she keeps going back for more. One thing that has started to bother me is the way she treats my S. The way she yells at him and the way that she acts I think she totally gets from the way her motehr treated her. I can totally see it and it is WRONG. We tried for 7 years to have a kid. She miscarried once and you would think that after she has a ver nice smart little boy that she would do anythnig for him and want to be with him. But it is quite the opposite. She needs help, I am worried what will happen if I remove what support I have left for her.