Yes, she has a job and income. She only makes abou 300/mo less than I do so support payments in Canada (given that we'll be 50/50 custody of D) will see me paying her very little. And every year taxes would be compared to fine tune amounts. For example, because of 50/50 with D, the scenario would be that she would have to pay me the support payment on her yearly income (e.g 435/mo) and I would have to pay her the amount on mine (e.g. 597/mo) The dayhome cost would be split. I'd only be subsidizing her bu +/- $175month. Neither of us will be getting the 'lifestyle to which we are accustomed.
There is also another unique thing here in Alberta. Since the equity in the house we have came from the house I had (and was alone on the mortgage, even after we were married) I can show on paper that the 128,000 we put down on this house was technically "mine'. Therefore, I can file an "Exception" to what you would call No Fault (Even Split)and half that amount (64K) would be reserved for me from the net assets of the household. After all the debts, the house sale would only clear us about 65K. So we would split the 1K surplus. With how the economy is, though I would not be in the position I was, she would essentially walk away with 1 dollar. She doesn't know this yet. She came into the marriage with nothing. I'm pretty relieved that she won't 'profit' from the marriage considering she started thinking D only 1 year in (according to her ILYBINILWY letter)It's a shame that I'm going to have to start over but at least I'll be on stronger footing. I'll have a down pymt on a house at least.
She was talking about some cheap housing last week so I thought I'd bring up the banking split with "I was thinking about what you said about the Co-op Housing. I've decided that since you will need to raise 2K to buy into the co-op to get on the list, you'll need to start saving. Please open a bank account and I'll get the paperwork to take you off the joint account. I'll calculate the monthly household bills and we'll split them. I'll physically looking after paying the bills but the money will come from each of us separately. Since I make a little more than you, I'll transfer the phone/internet bill into my name."
She'll be responsible for her own cell, fuel, clothes, dinners out, credit card and other personal expenses as will I for mine.
Taste of D. Frees me from 'supporting her habits'.
As far as Calla Care, I'm not sure what 'rules" I can/should put in place.
She is to be home at 9 nightly for bed? She is not to be away from her own bed more than once a week without PRIOR consent of the other parent. FULL details of WHERE and WHO she will be with are mandatory?
Any other suggestions?
Should I restart my other thread for more indepth help on my own behaviour since I'm not seeing the results I'm expecting? i.e. My 'detachment' hasn't changed my behavior towards her that much. My concern is that she is likely not seeing the R w/ me as being much better if she reconsiders? Staying may not be much more attractive than it was. Other than some of the new things I have just started to put into place from No More Nice Guy. (These are HUGE BTW.) I found as much of my "contributions" to our sitch in this book as I did in DB/DR.
