And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

So I spoke to BIL the other day and he told me that he spoke to H a while back and that he just doesn't get it. He said that H is making a mistake in thinking that leaving is going to fix everything. I told him "Yep, I agree, but it's his life and his mistake to make. He doesn't feel that way."

Same night I came home and spoke to SIL who was babysitting for me (long story but H wouldn't/"couldn't" stay with the kids two nights in a row this week). This is his sister that he is supposedly staying with on the nights he's not at the house. We spoke for quite a while (I'm very close to H's sisters) and she told me she loved me and that she loved H but not his choices. She then told me that H wasn't always there when he was leading me to believe he was. I told her that I had already figured this out but I appreciated her honesty. She then told me that she had called and invited everyone to her S14's middle school graduation and she figured out when we didn't show up (I go to all the family stuff) that H hadn't passed on the message - she's now going to call me directly for stuff like that. So the pattern has finally become very obvious ... it's Wednesdays that he never flexible or available ... so my guess - OW must not have her D7 on Weds ... and really at this point, it doesn't matter.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt at all, but I'm feeling it and growing from it. Last night was a little rough because although I've been pretty sure of what (*who*) he was doing on Wed nights, having some sort of confirmation still sucks. So I cried, I got mad ... talked to a great friend and then ended my pity party. I think what made me a little sad in all of this was the realization that H is REALLY not the man I want to be with right now. He's not capable of it right now. He is incapable of truth and does not possess the strength to look inside himself and take ownership of his choices, his emotions and his life. He feels like a victim - of me, of himself, of his emotions ...

Back to me

Since it's a holiday here in Canada, I am going to head out for a walk to ground myself when H gets home ... without it I am likely to say/do something that could spark a confrontation. I am getting so tired of dealing with this man/child who can't/won't speak the truth and communicate. We are supposed to take the kids to the waterfront for carnival rides etc and then come home and have supper before we go watch the fireworks. We'll see how that goes. I want to be able to do this for them, but I also need to take care of me, and if being around him that much if having an effect on me then I need to get dimmer.

I have started listening to more music and looking for songs that really speak to me ... I bought a memory card for my phone which doubles as an mp3 player and today I'm going to grab a cord so I can plug it into my car stereo and blast it when I'm driving alone. I love to drive and cruises around the beaches just might be what the Dr. ordered!

Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadians!
Peace
PEI