This rollercoaster gives me a headache so I got off and stayed off........
Boy it is hard not getting emotional about H but I try not to. They try to pull us back in all the time with their antics.
H is looking for his next holiday. Yep you've guessed it on a cruise which was our last special family holiday before he left. H eis slowly running out of destinations. I really don't mind any more. Everytime he goes he has a reality check. He can't steal the memories we had nor reproduce them as the children aren't invited lol! OW doesn't want them there as it will impact on her time with him. It's been a huge learning curve for me. My unhappiness and emotional anxiety about him visiting these places didn't change anything only made me very unhappy.
You're now on new unchartered water but you will be fine and eventually see these holidays for what they are with your H trying to find his 'happiness'.
Thank you Libby....you do understand...I thought that I was pretty even and that nothing would surprise me from H...but he still manages to get to me. So today I kind of got past the latest shock of the trip to Europe with OW and then he emails me asking me if I would answer his business line while he is on "vacation"....
The arrogant b-tard....sorry just can't believe the insensitivity.
I know this is a business line and we are in business together...but it's so hard to separate the emotions from business. And he is taking a trip after a trip...expecting me to keep everything running while he is having carefree responsibility free good time...I do feel used...hard to be lovingly detached while you are being treated with this kind of disrespect.
I feel like just sending him an e-mail "I can't believe that you would ask me to do that....how insensitive". Should I? or should I just say "Yeah, sure no problem I will answer your phone, have a nice vacation"
I wish that I didn't have to deal with him....that would be such a relief.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
So today I kind of got past the latest shock of the trip to Europe with OW and then he emails me asking me if I would answer his business line while he is on "vacation"....
Unbelievable. It's understandable that this recent chain of events might make you wobble a bit. I am so sorry Mila. I have to say that my XH hasn't come close to doing any of this kind of stuff to me.
My take on this most recent request by H is to treat it like a boundary issue from a business partner. Would this type of behavior (i.e. not pulling his share of the load) elicit a discussion with a business partner who is not your H? It would seem very reasonable to do so. Maybe thinking of it this way will help you to regain your composure. You are a class act, Mila. I know that you can do this.
It is not fair, but it seems as though you are having to lead in your relationship with H right now. By that I mean you are having to be the "bigger" person.....the mature person. If you set a calm tone with H (I know it's difficult), you can keep this situation from escalating out of control. This demeanor will help you to get you the best outcome possible from this situation for you and your daughter, regardless of what that is.
he is taking a trip after a trip...expecting me to keep everything running while he is having carefree responsibility free good time...I do feel used...hard to be lovingly detached while you are being treated with this kind of disrespect.
You are being used Mila. He knows he can count on you to pick up his slack. You are effectively subsidizing his affair trips because you do more of the work while he spends more of the money.
You have been patient, loyal, responsible, loving, and his level of disrespect and irresponsibility keeps getting worse.
It sure doesn't look like what you've been doing is having the desired effect.
I hope you will at least give some consideration to viewpoints that you won't find on MLC.
I think you are an amazing woman. I hate to see your fine qualities exploited rather than treasured.
MLC IS long term so the strategy IS long term as well.
It is totally up to the poster to determine if their spouse is in MLC.
Because the strategies seldom work together for...confronting and making demands of the spouse and cutting them off completely. In MLC it is to be the better option and outlast their MLC.
In MLC you are dealing with a mental break in reality, illogical, in WAH or others you are dealing with a spouse who prety much said I am done, logical.
And while Mila has made some great strides in approaching this in an MLC manner, she still has a ways to go.
Mila IF your husband is in MLC you have a better chance of making it through not bitter by working on you and NOT listening to the whole poor you you have nothing to change advice.
You can always CHANGE, you can always GROW, you can always be the BETTER option.
BTW conflicting advice between different boards...might bethe reason you ARE having difficulties.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It's understandable that this recent chain of events might make you wobble a bit. I am so sorry Mila. I have to say that my XH hasn't come close to doing any of this kind of stuff to me. 