Well, that's the thing. I don't know what or who she's paying for. She has a credit card with room on it. We hadn't used it in months. We had cleared it off with an increase to the PLC. But when the D bomb dropped and we burned a grand for MC, things got tight and she discovered it still worked. yes, I'll try to catch the bill in the mail and get a copy.
My thought was to separate the banking. Keep the joint as the family (she'll be removed from access to the joint) but we each get our own accounts. Every "household bill" we split from our ind accts. But her cell; her gas; her insurance and her CC bills are HERS. She'd get an indication how much she spends and how little she'd have post-D. Plus it would allow me to spend my money on D and I ONLY.
However, my concern is that she would see this as ME starting the Sep/D and free her from the responsibility of the decision.
And until I can verify an OP/PA, I can't confront/expose and have any grounds for being hard-line.
Now, I'm not saying that I'd be willing to live in Limbo Land much longer either. But I don't want her to be able to say 'He did this'.
It's a tough spot. But this cake-eat thing is grinding my last nerve.
My GAL'ing is coming along well. I've had a few 180 successes but I'm not seeing a lot of things that are working. My "detachment" is coming across pretty much like I was in the last year. Unaffectionate, distant, etc. I'm happier now but I find it difficult to show her that as it seems incongruent to be happy around her while being detached and adult about all this. I'm trying to not get drawn into her BF mode. .Whenever I'm happy or pleasant, I get what Sandi calls 'plate spin tests' where she tries to get me to touch her. So unless I'm misreading this and she's trying to be close, I'm struggling with 'how to act around her'. I'm getting my brain together but I'm not seeing any good signs. I was seeing more before. Again, open to my flawed interpretation. What I thought were positive signs have been "corrected' by others to likely be 'manipulating, controlling, smokescreens'.
The only upside is she appears to be getting bolder so she'll likely start making mistakes just as I get my 'intel lines' open.
As always,I'm open to all the help; advice and/or 2x4's I can get. If it's a tool I need to use, I'll take it.
