I totally understand the waves of grief. But you are making decisions for you this time, not the other way around. I'm so glad he is away so that you can have peaceful solitude to come to terms with how you feel and what you want. I know it's a huge shock and feels like enough is enough. But take some time to plot out your steps - when the feelings calm down a bit you can look more objectively at all your feelings and needs and know what plan to set in motion.
My new lawyer (I love her!) gave me this advice, and I'll pass it along, take it only if it fits. She said write down two lists @ our H: the positives and the negatives. See which list is longer and use that when you are emotional to gain some rational perspective on what you need to do.
