Honestly? It sounds like you're using the kids as pawns. I know that's probably not your intent.
There's no need for #3 on your first list, if he's abiding by #1.
I do think you can say something like "Make no mistake, I do what I need to do to protect our children from your behavior. If you can't control yourself, and abide by these simple boundaries, I WILL take further steps to protect them."
