Just found out she already filed

[ClingingToHope]

Oh, the X's...the X's. Did I misunderstand thw question?
Would have never ignored the "kids'" b'days, even the stepkids who've "disappeared."

You know, going through this gives me an appreciation for some things in my childhood and also makes me cringe at my own behavior.

My mom's second husband was a great guy and a big reason I got into the career I'm in now. They were only married about four years. When I see him we shake hands. But I never sent him Christmas cards. I didn't take my daughters to see him.

She had a live-in boyfriend 9 of the final 10 years of her life and he saw D11 after she was born -- my mom died before she was born. But since I've lost touch.

These guys really tried in what is a tough situation.

[alice444]

Yeah, I guess we just all need to do what we think is best for our kids, us and our conscience. I suppose it depends a lot on how old your kids are, how mature their understanding of the sitch is, their personality, and if you're able to get along with your X. SR's D is in that in between age- old enough to know what's going on in a way, but too young to really understand that just b/c they spend time together does not mean they're reuniting. I've got a 3 year old and she would only able to understand that one of us isn't there if we didn't do these occasions together and she'd wonder if one of us didn't want to celebrate with her, etc.

[figgeroni]

I have always done things seperate...because you know...that is the way it is

we were not a unit anymore

and

I don't meant to sound harsh and snarky but there are many many things that our kids want that they can't have so I always wanted to make sure they knew that what they had with me was stable...even if other things changed

I am happily with someone and we celebrate the birthdays altogether because we are a family but I still do something special with them each that has followed tradtions forever

they get what they want to eat
they get to pick a movie we all go to

and

afterward

i snuggle them up and tell them about when they were born and how big they were and how I loved them so much

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks kat, alice, CTH and fig. I appreciate your guys input very much.

Well, STBXW is coming over now and I'm feeling butterflies...not sure how it's going to go with splitting up the household stuff.

I should get my sawzall ready to cut stuff up in half if she really wants half of it

[whatisis]

Good luck! If you want to scare her, pick up the house again!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Didn't go very well...I couldn't put up a front and got a few things off my chest if you know what I mean and acted snubbed and quiet mostly.

Just disappointed in myself...but I just couldn't fake a smile and fun attitude.

[v1olin]

Happens to the best of us!

[ImprovedRomeo]

She dropped an F bomb or two too but once I became quiet she was all cheerful and stuff trying to joke around which I didn't even smile at. Like when she pointed at her Dr. Scholl's slip-in shoe thingies saying "can I take these? unless you want them..." and a few things like that.

Ugh, why do I have to wear my emotions on my sleeves, I've always been like this. I can't fake stuff.

Anyway, she took a bunch of stuff that I was OK with, books, documents, pics, small kitchen stuff. I agreed to mostly everything she wanted but not readily at first...she said 'I guess everything will have to go through the F'n courts since we can't agree on anything'. I told her 'well you take me to court and then the cleaners when it suits you'...she just rolled her eyes.

It was kinda sad when she left though, by that time we'd both calmed down and she said bye and I almost felt choked up saying bye back to her. I guess it was a realization that the house looks a bit emptier, there she goes off into her new life and here I am left alone to pick up my own pieces.

Just not a good day...probably worst yet because I wish I'd been more 'matter of fact' and not showed my emotions. God, how stupid I am.

[whatisis]

Just not a good day...probably worst yet because I wish I'd been more 'matter of fact' and not showed my emotions. God, how stupid I am.

So, in the big picture, what difference did it make? Don't catastrophize it, it's just a drop in the bucket, no biggie. You feel hurt and you showed it, so what! Really, will it make any difference in the long run? Nahhhhhhhhhh!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks v1 and wii, I had to call and talk to my sis which helped a lot. She told me the same thing as you that it's how I feel it's not a matter of right or wrong. I picked her brains on how and why stbxw can be so emotionless etc. She has her theory but she said that everything I provided for her and did for her and for my family stbxw will realize it one day...not now maybe not even in a year or two but she eventually will because you just can't walk away from something like that without feeling emotions.

It also helped when she said that she'd be lucky to find someone equivalent to me...it was good to hear that from a woman's perspective.