Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

TimeHeals, H wants to do a DIY divorce through We the People where you go see them, fill out some information packets and they prepare the documents and file them for you. No lawyers involved. It will cost another $400 that he wanted me to share the cost of. I will be e-mailing my lawyer today.

As for funds, I'll be getting a personal loan from the bank to pay for the attorney.

[newmama]

(((Mystik)))

Don't feel bad for not being prepared for the D talk! Apparently my stbxh wasn't the only one who brought it up out of the blue.

OK just consult your L and see what s/he says.

I think you did a good job explaining to your S that his dad isn't leaving him, it is the same as it is now, and that he won't be your husband. I think it was put in very good kids' terms! And good for you for not getting into it any further. Please feel proud of yourself for not insulting his dad or telling him "your father is leaving US."

Your H is choosing to leave your FAMILY but not abandoning his son. That is how I have come to understand it.

(((Mystik))) FWIW I am shocked that he is saying he wants a D so soon.

[Mystik]

NM, he wants the D final before Whore has the baby in November. Talked to my L through e-mail today, basically I need to wait for him to file then I will retain her in order to respond and dispute the false accusation that I constructively abandoned him. As for DS, on the 12th of July I take him for his appointment with a child therapist, just made that appointment today.

Messaged two of my SILs on FB today, one ignored it completely and the other at first responded she would love to see me, then later wrote back that after talking to H she's going to step back while he and I work out our differences, but after it's settled down she would love to see me. So much for both their promises to be there for me if I ever needed them.

[Mystik]

As for me, I'm still in a state of shock and disbelief. It still feels so untrue, like it's not going to happen. This place is the only place I can go and admit to how I'm truly feeling. No one in real life understands what I'm going through, none of them understand why I want to save my marriage. They tell me "You're better off without him." I don't agree. It's only here that I feel my despair, my fears of the future are understood.

Logically I know that I'll get through this but in the darkness of depression I don't believe it. I see a future of being alone, loving H and hurting while he goes on with his life.

[TimeHeals]

I see a future of being alone, loving H and hurting while he goes on with his life.

Good thing you can't really see the future, eh? I can't see the future either, but somehow--no matter what happens--I can't imagine it being as bleak as you imagine it will be if you decide to live your life with or without your H.

You seriously need to work on the detachment, and you do that one little thing at a time (taking your son to the park, learning a new recipe, getting a dog, take up writing, and so on) so you can climb back up and into a better life than you have known so far.

[courageous wife]

Mystik

You do need a support system but I would not try and get your H's family to side with you at this time...let them figure it out!

From your registered date, you are still new at this and detachment does not happen overnight! It is easier said than done! Keep reading other people's threads...I was the same as you "this can't be happening!" was going through my head over and over

Please don't help him at all with the D...don't agree to a DIY divorce! You need to think about YOU and your kids (if there are any).

Your H is in a hurry to D...don't help him at all...let him do the work..he is the one that "thinks" he wants it!

Hang in there sweetie!!!

[Mystik]

TimeHeals, Going to reread my co-dependency book on detaching, see if that helps me any.

ConfusedWife, I just wanted to talk to them to get a feel for H's mindset. I know their loytalties lie with him, even though both disagree with what he's doing to me. I'm not planning on helping with the D at all.

[Mystik]

H sent me two texts early this morning. The first one was asking if I was really going to contest it or just not pay. The second one was saying he could probably get financial assistance paying for it and he asked if I was going to sign or not. He also tried calling a few minutes after sending the texts but I didn't answer and deleted the texts. I do not want to discuss this with him, I want it to just go away. I'm too raw right now to talk divorce.

[Mystik]

H called again, left a voicemail for me to call him. Then he immediately called on teh house phone, left a message for DS to call him, talking about some toy he bought for him. So DS called and sure enough, after a couple minutes H asked DS if he could talk to me. I had DS tell him I was getting ready for work, which I was getting dressed, so H had DS tell me to call him when I was dressed, it was very important. After DS hung up H texted me again, askeed if my master plan to fix everything was to ignore it and not talk to him?

I don't have a master plan. My master plan is to just get through each day without breaking apart completely. Right now I'm just too raw to talk to H. Unless he wants to talk working things out, I am going to fall apart if he tries to talk to me.

[TimeHeals]

Right now I'm just too raw to talk to H. Unless he wants to talk working things out, I am going to fall apart if he tries to talk to me.

You're not going to fall apart, but going dim sounds like it's for the best right now. Good for you.

If he is in so much of a hurry to get divorced, then he can pay for it, and you will pay for your lawyer. Period.

Otherwise, he can wait until you decide to divorce him and get his own lawyer.

He's a big boy. He doesn't need your help. Maybe the codependency book is not such a bad read because I am sensing an odd dynamic here. He doesn't need you to enable him to divorce you.

If he's divorcing you, you get to choose how you respond and vice versa.

What is the situation with comingled funds, shared property, etc?