That's the confusing part. I guess I see iniating, since he's the one that wanted out and all, as pursuing...which we aren't supposed to do. ???
Yeah, one of the vets could chime in on this. I get confused on when I am supposed to do something when it contradicts another rule.
I know ,when W and I were still together, there were times she would try to initiate sex, but I wasn't in the mood. She would give up easily and be angry that we did not make love. Its not that I really didnt want it(I am a guy and I love my wife, she does turn me on no matter what), but I wanted her to start it, instead of me all of the time. I never communicated it to her, and that is part of my problem where I am at today.
I think communication breakdown is a huge problem with all of these issues we're facing. We try so hard to not fight that needs don't get met on either side. Of course, there's always those that fight endlessly, but for many of us, trying to keep the peace actually got us into this mess!
He might still roll over after the act is completely done. It may not be a sign against you at all, it simply indicates his comfort level.
I personally prefer to hold my wife in a spoon position. But I have been outside of the residence for 6 months now, and out of the bedroom for 6 months before that.
12 months....that's rough!!!
I guess I wouldn't take it so personally (the rolling over) if there were other signs of affection going on. Right now I just hate the feeling that he wants sex, not that he wants me.
And of course, it makes me wonder if there is OW involved - the lack of affection towards me - if there's an EA going on or worse. (Just started a thread in the infidelity section about that.)
I personally prefer to hold my wife in a spoon position. But I have been outside of the residence for 6 months now, and out of the bedroom for 6 months before that.
Same here, but not 6 months..yet. I feel for you.
Originally Posted By: SunnyD
I guess I wouldn't take it so personally (the rolling over) if there were other signs of affection going on. Right now I just hate the feeling that he wants sex, not that he wants me.
And of course, it makes me wonder if there is OW involved - the lack of affection towards me - if there's an EA going on or worse. (Just started a thread in the infidelity section about that.)
When he rolls over does he imediatly go to bed? I know I would roll over most of the time and fall asleep afterwards. My W would complain that I didn't cuddle her. Its not that I didn't want to spoon, but I am comfortable on my side to fall asleep.It just happens.
Hmmm.. would it be persuing if you try (not saying you don't)to be more sexy? Make him want you, but play hard to get for a while. Let the tensions build to the point he would do anything to get to you.
Of course it shouldn't be all sex in solving the issues.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
I personally prefer to hold my wife in a spoon position. But I have been outside of the residence for 6 months now, and out of the bedroom for 6 months before that.
Same here, but not 6 months..yet. I feel for you.
Originally Posted By: SunnyD
I guess I wouldn't take it so personally (the rolling over) if there were other signs of affection going on. Right now I just hate the feeling that he wants sex, not that he wants me.
And of course, it makes me wonder if there is OW involved - the lack of affection towards me - if there's an EA going on or worse. (Just started a thread in the infidelity section about that.)
When he rolls over does he imediatly go to bed? I know I would roll over most of the time and fall asleep afterwards. My W would complain that I didn't cuddle her. Its not that I didn't want to spoon, but I am comfortable on my side to fall asleep.It just happens.
Hmmm.. would it be persuing if you try (not saying you don't)to be more sexy? Make him want you, but play hard to get for a while. Let the tensions build to the point he would do anything to get to you.
Of course it shouldn't be all sex in solving the issues.
Yeah - he pretty much just goes to sleep afterwards. I guess that's not so untypical.
I have been making the effort in the sexy department... but I guess I haven't been very hard to get! LOL
And yes, you're right: sex is not the cure. It's once facet though, to trying to guess what the other person is feeling, isn't it? We've made NO progress in other areas - aren't even discussing the R at all.
Dress real sexy like they said to draw him in, and maybe have some kind of "switch" or small stick.
(He goes to score immediately in the golden triangle) give him little whoopin on his hand and he draws hand back "Na na na, mommy says you kiss here first..." "Now rub mommies back" "Ok, turn over baby let mommy rub you"
Kinda along that where you can direct the show some.
Still half the time you may as well let him get a quick shot and go to sleep, but make sure you have been satisfied if you want it. Of course this is provided he's mostly on good behavior.
Dress real sexy like they said to draw him in, and maybe have some kind of "switch" or small stick.
(He goes to score immediately in the golden triangle) give him little whoopin on his hand and he draws hand back "Na na na, mommy says you kiss here first..." "Now rub mommies back" "Ok, turn over baby let mommy rub you"
Kinda along that where you can direct the show some.
Still half the time you may as well let him get a quick shot and go to sleep, but make sure you have been satisfied if you want it. Of course this is provided he's mostly on good behavior.
I love it!!! I like the prospect of being in control instead of HIM always being in control of everything that happens. I guess I need to go shopping.....
You have a lucky husband to have a wife who is adventerous as you. And through the tragedy you are still thinking of him. Many of them don't know that the OM and OW will not be responsible to them when all hell breaks loose.
I can't believe I ran across this thread. I have been separated from my W for 9 months and it has been almost a year since we ML last. 2 weeks ago we had what I considered sex under the influence of alcohol, it was fantastic. After my W woke up, she said "we made love?" and I said yes we did.
Next day she said she felt bad about the night before, felt sick to her stomach and that she thought I took advantage of her.
The connection was there before sex, in fact I would say I saw the "love" in her eyes.
I believe "sex" does keep the connection between you going. I am just trying to figure out how to create the opportunity again. I would love to F@#k my way out of this nightmare or at least let it be a basis to start from.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
H and I have been separated for almost 3 months now, with OW in the picture for the first month and a half. She is now out of the picture. When he came to tell me how sorry and guilty he felt and that he wasn't sure what would happen with us. At that point, although we are still separated and not living together the sex started up again. For the most part, we no longer fight and are getting along fairly well. He has been hesitant at times for the sex to continue, as he says he feels somewhat guilty afterwards. I am not always so sure myself, but feel that it is a way for us to still bond. I am not completely sure it is a great idea or not, but it is better than it has ever been. I work very hard at not having any expectations about it and have ceased all talk about R. H was over this evening and sex happened and for the first time H said he wasn't going to feel guilty about it. Not sure what that means and didn't ask. Maybe its a small step on his part, and maybe its nothing. Just have to wait and see, I suppose. Overall, though, I do think that sex can be at least part of a way to keep a connection going.
