Good to see that you have developed great strength in knowing what you need, you have been brave and enduring without doubt for a long time now, and its a big step to move forward knowing you might not be followed.
You have come a long way since the beginning of all this, bet you hardly recognise yourself some times, but you have given so much of yourself in inspiration and kindess you deserve to have some in return..
Hoping and praying H will see the error of his ways, but if not life has a lot to offer you, grasp it with boths hands and enjoy!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
My friends here have meant so much to me and the support has been such a blessing in my life.
So, the long and short of it is that my H has resumed contact with OW.... suposedly to answer unresolved questions. He says there has been no "resumed" physical or emotional affection but a few "talks" to answer these questions.
The point is that it was done behind my back with yet again more lies and deception. Trust is broken further.
I don't know how I could possibly ever be expected to trust again after this violation.
I am still sad today, but still strong. Tired... from an almost all night convo wih H....
BF did that once but it was right at the beginning of piecing. When I found out I blew a gasket and told him I was finished because he didn't understand the very simple concept of NO contact. Obviously I did end up giving him another chance but I was this close to closing the door forever and told him if it ever happened again then I was done, end of story.
Puppy told me at the start of piecing that you have to decide for yourself how many times you're going to give the WAS to slip up. That way when they do (not if) you'r not totally thrown by it. Now is the time to think about how much leeway you're willing to give H.
Unfortunately he's done a lot of damage because this is coming a long time after you started piecing so now you're back at square one which is about 20 steps back. And on top of that he's not doing the work necessary to heal properly.
Whatever you decide to do, know that this is an important juncture and your actions will set the tone for your R going forward whether that's as a married couple or single coparents.
Hugs!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I am sorry to read your update. I know that you hadn't posted on in a long time. As Deep said, it may be something that you can overcome but you are a success story in every sense of the word. Hopefully Mr. RW will step up to the plate. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
I have decided to move on myself but I don't regret anything I have done in my journey.
I wonder if it almost might have been better had that happened earlier on. I acutally do understand, in theory, that he has "unresolved" issues and questions and issues about the R. But, too bad. Me and the M should be coming first at this time and building trust was supposed to be a focus.
He is still away... we will have to talk about all this when he gets back. But, I don't know how we can get past this.
I have been grieving all day. Waves of sadness will just wash over me out of nowhere. 20 years of marriage, memories, children.... life. Done. It sucks.
But I will be ok.
I have the most amazing support and I rule my world!
I totally understand the waves of grief. But you are making decisions for you this time, not the other way around. I'm so glad he is away so that you can have peaceful solitude to come to terms with how you feel and what you want. I know it's a huge shock and feels like enough is enough. But take some time to plot out your steps - when the feelings calm down a bit you can look more objectively at all your feelings and needs and know what plan to set in motion.
My new lawyer (I love her!) gave me this advice, and I'll pass it along, take it only if it fits. She said write down two lists @ our H: the positives and the negatives. See which list is longer and use that when you are emotional to gain some rational perspective on what you need to do.
That is great advice. I have started a list of my "next steps".... what needs to happen... first, when he gets home and next, after separation as that looks most likely.
I like the idea your lawyer gave you. I will have to look at it from the perspective of the last year. If I did it from the past twenty years there were so many positives, it might just make me sad. I think that is the hardest part. The man I loved all these years no longer exists. He was a good man. But, that is not my problem. I am taking care of me and my kids.
It is hard and I hope that you can find a way to get past this if that is what you want. Having the next steps is a good idea. I am now finalizing mine.
Thinking of you as I often do even when I don't post!
RW, do you think it would help to have "the talk" with your H in a long counselling session? It seems like some facilitation might be helpful?
What a terrible breach of trust .
(((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hey Kara, Thanks so much for thinking of me. At this point, what I want has become irrelevant and it is now a matter of what I need. I am very sad.
Flo, That is a wonderful idea, but my H has been refusing MC. That was already becoming a deal breaker for me before I discovered this recent breach of trust.
I am not looking forward to what comes next, but I am planning, preparing, using my support system and reminding myself I will be OK.
I think that is the hardest part. The man I loved all these years no longer exists. He was a good man. But, that is not my problem. I am taking care of me and my kids.
.