I also gave up 9 years of my life for her and the boys. I continue to really not have much of a life. Those 9 years were not a walk in the park. this was something that we were doing together-- I thought. if I wasn't married I probably would not have stuck it out. I stuck it out for the whole team.
did I do a good job of cherishing her, making her feel important, and balancing all of it? no. I realize that and that is the cross I have to bear. I also loved her completely, never cheated on her, and tried to give her everything she asked for.
I am not an ego maniac. I am not a controlling person. I really only wanted a balanced life with my wife who I loved and to be a dad for my boys-- this still is my primary focus.
she made it clear she did NOT WANT me there. that she would continue to "let" me see the boys at her whim. she would torture me as she has for a long time.
she told me she would come back here at the end of the year. she told me that this was only temporary. she lied about all of these things.
I understand her perspective. My question to you is this: does it justify her actions?
does it justify abandoning me? having an affair? putting the boys in an unstable environment where they are being shuffled back and forth 8 hours a weekend--- only for one reason? to have an affair in another town? and not have any job or way to support herself or the boys?
if I had the sense that she would be fair, that she would give me access to the boys, and that she would want me to be there where I can co-parent the boys and we could peacefully co-exist I would never have hesitated. but as the days got closer to the move it became clear that she had no intention of doing so. and then she threatened to leave when I was going to move there-- and you put that together with the career suicide move I was going to make and perhaps you can understand why I did what I did-- and understand that in a year I may be going there anyway-- if I cannot get my boys back here. I felt it was worth a shot to try and stick where I was an not allow here to destroy everything-- her life (she is miserable), my life, my career, and the boys life. it was as if you would be handing the car keys and the bank card to a 12 year old and say, "you're in charge!"...
I believe the only person in this relationship who is thinking of themselves only is her.
