i have avoided going to the doctor because i don't want the 'prescribed' help. i come from the Tom Cruise camp of no drugs please. no, i'm not a scientologist (Mr.Bond, you're just glib. haha .. isn't that what Tom said to Matt Lauer?)
it's just not something i do. it's because i fear being addicted to it. it's the same reason why i don't gamble. i can see myself becoming addicted to it. i'll sit at the slot machine and i feel the rush in me to try again and again and again. i don't want to be dependent on a drug to take the edge off. the next time i think the rush is coming, i'll pop a pill before i even know if it's a real edge. me and drugs would not make a good combo.
for a while, i started spending a lot to fill the void. only to find out now that all the stuff i bought, filled the void temporarily. i know i cannot keep buying like that.
i know this will pass. i know i have to focus on myself and drop the rope. i have to stop talking about what happened. look forward and talk about what i am going to do tomorrow.
you may be right that i need to do some volunteering. i've always wanted to work in a soup kitchen. i love to cook so it would be a good thing for me. thanks for the encouragement.
