THank you everyone. I can't believe what I've been putting myself through the past year. I had to txt H for a computer password today and even just getting a txt from him has given me a panic attack I haven't been able to shake. Trying to steel my resolve again. Aggressive lawyer yesterday seemed to really emotionally care and pushed me to file motions before H does. I am frozen with fear, not sure what to do.
Anyhow, my plan is to disappear when H comes over tonight. H may not even notice the 180, but it's for me this time, to keep away from whatever it is that is giving me this panic.
