AT square 1 you didn't have her parents in the loop and they wren't educated... At suare one you were less emotionally prepared to combat this thing
I think you have more experience now and her parents have more education...
I don't see this as squrae one... fighting divorce is a two steps forward, one step back kinda thing.. it will feel on some days that you aren't making any progress...
OK just to be CLEAR on the plan here, because I have a half-full clip an NO RELOADS.
Tonight I gather ALL the intel I can.
1) Tomorrow I call her mom and say "Well I have indisputable proof XXXX is going on or about to happen. I can't tell you who told me, but it is a very trusted person who wants to stay out of this. They see and know what is going on and thought I should know".
2) I message the Facebook guy and tell him I warned him That's it. I then contact the right people and let them know he is a dirtbag.
3) I prepare for the firestorm that follows. She was TICKED last time I exposed saying "You come to ME with your problems and don't contact and involve my friends or threaten them". I also prepare for absolute Hell and continued persistance on her part to win the other guy over. 3 weeks have paid off for her, so she will assume 3 or 6 more weeks will achieve the same result.
4) Pray and hope this works. Not let me FEELINGS get the best of me.
Any other suggestions?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I like the plan. In thinking more about this, the "infidelitus interruptus" is more appropriate for once it's ALREADY gone physical. The script I gave you is almost word-for-word what I gave my wife one day, but her EA had already turned into a PA at that point. If I had foreknowledge of their FIRST potential physical encounter, I'd probably be moving Heaven and Earth to try to prevent it as well.
Like I said, he lives 400 miles away, so she will need to have alot of prep and scheduling to get this to work without me "knowing" what is up.
If I blow it wide open and confront her, as well as tell her parents, she is going to have to go down there with everyone FULLY knowing what is happening.
Plus, she will know that once she gets back, she is now responsible for the FULL mortgage, as well as me contacting his chain of command for adultery.
She doesn't like the idea of me "telling" her what she can and can't do. I don't. I set boundaries and she has a fit when she wants to cross one.
And the worst thing is that now they will probably start right up with the emotional/sex chat stuff, and move into phone and skype sex.
Once he feels it is OK to contact her again, she is going to want to do all they had planned while they are apart, before I exposed what they were doing.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/30/1009:13 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Like I said, he lives 400 miles away, so she will need to have alot of prep and scheduling to get this to work without me "knowing" what is up.
If I blow it wide open and confront her, as well as tell her parents, she is going to have to go down there with everyone FULLY knowing what is happening.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
I would tell the guy that I was serious when I told him to stay the hell away from my wife, and NOT to underestimate me.
But that's just me.
As for my wife, if the guy didn't back off and they still planned to meet up, I would wait for her to leave for her rendezvous, and I would call her cellphone and say:
"I hope it's worth it."
"What are you talking about?" she will say.
Reply: "I know exactly what you're doing, and I just hope it's worth it. Because once you do this, there's no going back."
She then says whatever, and you finish with "I've said all I'm going to say, but just know that there are consequences if you go thru with this, and I WILL KNOW if you do."
And then hang up, and don't return her calls or her text messages.
Infidelitus interruptus. Remember, they don't know what you know, and what you don't know, so they'll have to assume that you WILL know if they hook up or not (for all they know, you have a tail on either or both of them!).
And pup I would add that QS should expose to anyone on OM's end he can as well.. you said he was in the military QS, if there's any leverage there I would use that too... that way you hit the affair from both ends...
And note : Hit the guy's leverage... NO WARNING.. NEVER WARN OP you are going to bring consequences down on them... the wife yes, you wait til she wants LEAST to hear them and then you hit her with them... as she's leaving for her plane flight etc... you send her the note ... BTW, when you get back I won't be there.. etc... and you won't get a $ from me etc...
That's the LAST thing she wants to see when she heads out the door full of confidence that she's fooled you and everyone... the last thing she wants to see is that SHE"s the fool and she's also lost her home
This all just sucks. I will take Allen's word for it that I am NOT back at square 1.
But yet again I have to go through exposure, and deal with the absolute torrent of hate and emotion.
Just Saturday her mom told me that she said :Maybe I need to take a step back". ONE glimmer of hope, a baby step, and it now is washed away by one single message.
Now it is time to be mentally tough, and suck this up. But it is going to set me back a whole lot, and possibly compromise my intel. Then, in another 3 weeks of her chasing him down, I might not have the ability to find out in real time what is going on.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
QS, whomever told you exposure was a one shot deal mislead you.
Exposure is an ongonig activity that you keep on top of until your spouse has ended the affair...
As is the monitoring... You are dealing with an addict, that means you will be repeating things... alot... Addicts don't take things the first time through.. you have to do it again and again and again to beat the addiction out of their system...
It's not a one shot deal.. Never was
Not to emntion your spouse will be running damage control against your exposure efforts, whcih means there's a follow up.. you experienced this with her parents
a. You exposed b. She ran damage control c. You exposed her damage control as more lies d. She lies further e. You expose to her parents that she's lying to them
It is an ongoing activity... its nto something you do once and then dont have to do again.. you can try exposing without any follow ups, but it's not very effective...
Truth in a marriage is much like running a newspaper, you have to constantly be pursuing the truth and ensuring it gets out to the community and that lies are exposed... until the lies END
