In her mind you are the root of all evil, and nothing you say or do to or for her is going to change her mind.
I'll simulataneously disagree with that and agree with all the other advice given here.
The ONLY thing that will possibly change her mind is letting her go. Let her feel life without you in it. Time has a magical property of cleansing and clarifying toxic situations like this.
I was like you a year ago, analyzing my W's behavior, looking for sand-grain-sized indications of change. When the change finally comes, it WON'T be subtle. Instead of vague hints at a possible future, mixed in with an ocean of negativity, she'll be the one defending the M, saying how it's not worth throwing away, validating your changes, etc. Don't waste your time doing this micro-analysis. Your W is miserable, and is feeling horribly trapped. Let her go, let her feel life without the pressure. Let time work its magic on her for six months or a year. Only after that long will you potentially see real movement.
