I have seen pretty bad... I have to be cautious here and warn you because of the POTENTIAL repurcussions... the % of responses that are actually violtent are likley small, but I don't know WHAT he may do, I don't KNOW him at all... so I have to warn you just to be on teh safe side
I think you have to chck with the law befroe you change any locks don't you? Is the hosue just in your name or can you deny him entry legally?
If you can deny him entry LEGALLY then I would have locks changed by now already...
I usualy reccomend you protect hte family FIRST and THEN expose the affair... nto the other way around...
Ensure you and the family are safe and THEN reveal to whomever may put pressure on your H to end the A... if you expose and don't have a protection plan in place you are a sitting duck...
The response is usually a verbal barrage of abuse... but it COULD get worse for a small %... Your H isnt' likley the violent type, but I HAVE to warn you to be on the safe side of this...
Change the locks if you legally can do this... if he doens't live there and you legally can change the locks then I would have done this asap... JUst to make the point alone, never mind the exposure
To my mind if my spouse doesnt' live in my home they should NOT have a functional key to the home either
But again you need to check with the law to be sure
I think if my H comes back because I exposed at his work, he's not going to be the man I want anyways. Exposing at work is really another attempt for me to control a situation that I think I just need to accept the situation as uncontrollable.
How to quit an addiction: 1)must be removed from access to the substance 2) will go through withdrawal 3)must stay away from the substance no matter what 4)after detox, you will no longer be physically addicted, but will have "triggers" 5)must never go back to the substance again
OK this is super simple explanation of how to quit addiction, but here is why I am posting it. AT FIRST your H may not be coming back to you "for the right reasons" BUT AS LONG AS HE STOPS COMMUNICATING WITH OW, he WILL lose his attraction/interest for her, and it you will see him thankful he is with his family.
They say it takes awhile because they have to go through withdrawal from the OP.
Thanks Allen and Pup (and newmama for redirecting me).
My H just texted and asked if I was still not letting him see dd at home. Said he'd be here at 6. I responded: "That is fine. Let me know where you are taking her and what time she will be home."
His response: "I don't have to tell u where. That's a downfall to cutting off communications with me. And I'll bring her back prob just after 9."
Called a locksmith and got a 2:30 apt. He agreed that the house could be my space. Just called a local lawyer (one I talked to before) - will try to get a consult with him ASAP.
Called a locksmith and got a 2:30 apt. He agreed that the house could be my space. Just called a local lawyer (one I talked to before) - will try to get a consult with him ASAP.
Don't you have this backwards, Mel? Shouldn't you be finding out the legality of changing the locks BEFORE you have them changed???
Yes, I did have it backwards. But I talked to L who said basically it won't do me any good to look door unless I file something - H can break down door or call sheriff to make me open door. Not interested in that drama. So, I'm going to MIL's while I weather what's going on. Also talked to her before sending exposure email. She didn't like the idea but made it clear she supports me. I sent it anyways. Hoping for the best. Not sure how soon I'll get back to a computer. Thanks, everyone, for your help today.
Melody, you do not have to let your daughter go with him if he will not tell you where he is taking her. By the way, 9pm for a return time for a 4 yr old seems awfully late to me. He's acting like an infant and lashing out at you using your D.
You might need to go ahead and file a separation to stipulate some things like visitation, finances, etc.
Thanks, Pup and Bluestar. Dd is with H - he told me he was taking her to park and dinner. I think that "won't tell you garbage" was an attempt to just get my goat. He was kind and nice when he got here in front of daughter. Our dd normally goes to sleep at 7:30 during school year, but we let her stay up later in summer. She normally goes to bed 9 or 9:30 and gets up at 9 or 9:30 in the AM. For good or bad, this seems to work better with the flow of summer fun activities.
His nice guy moves in front of dd tell me he doesn't know that I exposed at his work yet. Wondering what the timeline is normally like - guess those I sent email to probably have to chat about what they will do.
So, can I get some help in advance for what to say to him when he comes at me for exposing?
-What if he loses his job? What do I say then? -What if he is just angry and embarrassed?
How much R convo should I get into and how quickly, if he wants to go there? Or do I just insist we do it with a MC present? Or not at all until he agrees to no contact or marriage counseling?
