The catalyst for your W wanting to fix up the home was a party SHE wanted on HER timeline and only inviting HER people.
When things didn't go quite her way she threw a vase and destroyed photos.
Talk is cheap. Who cares what she says she wants to do a year down the road to the house. Her actions scream on a daily basis she didn't want to be there with you. Hell, maybe she was thinking she would get the house in the divorce hence her planning.
I think your just keeps her mouth shut to appease you (so you think she is having a good time) because when you are appeased she doesn't have to deal with anything. When you start to grow a spine is when she throws her fits and makes her threats.
It's not so much about progress IMO it's more that when you do things to her liking she will keep quiet and you interpret that to be progress.
Being so literal, needing to be in control, needing your W to see things "your way" are all things you need to work on.
She might have only verbalized hate to you recently but her actions have said hate for a long time. You seem to have tunnel vision and I think if you expanded your vision a bit more things would be more clear.
You and your W both have LOTS of things you need to work on as individuals. I honestly thought you and your W were in your 50's or 60's based on the way she acts. I was pretty stunned to learn you are both not yet 30. Her inability to manage daily things (her job schedule, basic communication with words, her talking through the dog) despite her physical issues is very, very serious and that alone can cause all kinds of anger.
So, if a group of strangers is telling you that all you thought was good actually wasn't... what will you do now?
