QS the idea is that if you hit her on her way out the door you RUIN her excitement and don't give her any time to plan a new approach or react... you hit her HARD with that moving out thing when she LEAST wants to hear it.
QS, the other thing you may want to consider here, and puppy can correct me if I am wrong, but you may want to consider exposing her plans to her parents... There is a RISK factor here, your wife's health, her safety, this guy clearly isn't on the up and up and I can't imagine parents would be thrilled at the idea of her planning to meet up with some creep that may just give her a disease or worse...
Parents DO want to protect their children from creeps usually... And anyone willing to sneak around like that and plan a meeting with a married woman specifically for sex is a major sleaze
I already talked to her mom about it, BUT I didn't let on that I had the actual messages. I CANT give away my big source of intel.
I told her about what my wife said in our conversation, and the way she said it. Her mom told me that my wife said there was absolutely no guy anymore. I reiterated just what I heard from my wife.
She thinks it is completely wrong, but wants me to confront my wife about it and lay down the boundaries.
Gosh, my FEELINGS are telling me to confront her tonight on the phone.
I KNOW when she gets back to the hotel, the FIRST thing she will do is call that guy, or message him, or setup a Skype conversation. She has already texted 3 friends today after she got that message. They are her close friends, and she probably is bubbling over with excitement that he finally is talking to her again.
Doesn't that put me back at SQUARE 1 where I was 3 weeks ago?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
QS, the other thing you may want to consider here, and puppy can correct me if I am wrong, but you may want to consider exposing her plans to her parents... There is a RISK factor here, your wife's health, her safety, this guy clearly isn't on the up and up and I can't imagine parents would be thrilled at the idea of her planning to meet up with some creep that may just give her a disease or worse...
Parents DO want to protect their children from creeps usually... And anyone willing to sneak around like that and plan a meeting with a married woman specifically for sex is a major sleaze
If QS' intel is as "rock-solid" as he says, I'm not opposed to this.
I already talked to her mom about it, BUT I didn't let on that I had the actual messages. I CANT give away my big source of intel.
You don't need to, and SHOULDN'T. "Look, Mom, I promised not to reveal how I know this, but you and Dad both need to do that I absolutely have proof, it's indisputable, and I wouldn't be bringing you this dreadful news if I didn't. If you want to, I can show you my evidence in due time, but right now I gave someone my word."
They don't have to know that you gave all of us ANONYMOUS MESSAGE BOARD FOLKS the "word."
Doesn't that put me back at SQUARE 1 where I was 3 weeks ago?
Momentarily, yep.
FITS and STARTS, QuickSilver. We've all been trying to tell you from the get-go, that you need to have MUCH more patience, be MUCH less reactionary, and to go with your HEAD and not your FEELINGS.
AT square 1 you didn't have her parents in the loop and they wren't educated... At suare one you were less emotionally prepared to combat this thing
I think you have more experience now and her parents have more education...
I don't see this as squrae one... fighting divorce is a two steps forward, one step back kinda thing.. it will feel on some days that you aren't making any progress...
I WOULD warn her parents that' she is potentially in danger and hoooking up with men she has never met for sex.... she could end up wtih her throat cut... they MUST care about that.. I would be warning them.. especially if you have proof he's a sleazeball...
It HAS happend on the internet many times man... people hook up with someone they met on the web and distaster happens... her parents DESERVE to konw the risks that their daughter is taking
I get that Puppy. But the thought of my wife having sex with another man just curls my blood and drops out my stomach.
Her mom told me that on Saturday that my wife said to her "Maybe I need to take a step back". HOWEVER, my wife lied to the face of her mom when she said her and the other guy were through. She texted him on the same day. So who knows what to believe anymore.
Let's assume she can't go see him for at least another 2-3 weeks. Still, they are now TALKING again. That leaves Facebook sex chat. phone sex, and Skype sessions. Which is exactly where it was headed when I exposed and blew it open.
I guess I get the fits and starts. But it REALLY does suck. So this is normal with a WAS in an EA wanting to go PA?
The patience thing is hard too. But I don't see how this is going to work out should she continue talking to him. She will then get her "high", and figure out a way to go and see him.
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I WOULD warn her parents that' she is potentially in danger and hoooking up with men she has never met for sex.... she could end up wtih her throat cut... they MUST care about that.. I would be warning them.. especially if you have proof he's a sleazeball...
He is an old highschool flame and she has known him for like 15 years. I don't think it is that. She reconnected with him on Facebook, and when she became unhappy, they started getting all intimate online. He offered for her to come see him so they could have sex.
Now she kept up messaging him after the exposure, and she is pursuing him to the ends of the Earth.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/30/1007:12 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
He is in the Military. When I messaged him, he thought I threatened to tell his chain of command and that set him off. My wife found out through a mutual friend, and she went BALLISTIC.
He basically ignored her for 3 weeks, but during that time she kept at it and I guess her saying she wanted to visit him SOON was enough for him to reply. He figures he can have sex in the near future, so why not.
Now I don't know for sure yet. I'll have to wait until tonight when they chat online, or look at the call logs and see how long they talk. But I am certain that she is floating on air right now because he finally replied.
For all I know, she may say she wants to visit in 2 weeks, and he will say not until after the divorce because he is scared I will report him.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
