That entire conversation had not one bit of validation.
While the particulars of each situation might differ a bit the bottom line is MOST WAS are all the same. They are angry, resentful and firmly planted in past hurts and transgressions.
Each time your W came at you with something you tried to point out what YOU wanted to your W. Why not just say "ok, W, I think you are right, this won't work". Agree with her. When you agree with somebody what can they argue about? If she comes back at you with something else simply say "sorry you feel that way".
When you went to your friends house the other day your W called you. See what happens when you are not around? And that was ONE night. Not only did she call you she asked about your whereabouts once you got home.
While I know you don't feel like you are arguing with your W you are. Stop pointing out your feelings. She knows you want the marriage to work. You dismiss her feelings at every turn. You do not listen to her because you are too busy trying to get her to see things your way.
I know you don't do this to be evil but really, every heated exchange the two of you have turns out this way. You have the power to change that. All sarcasm aside... do you just get caught up in the heat of the moment? Do you forget what you should be doing? Do you not understand what you should be doing? Perhaps if you can isolate why you keep going back to this same destructive pattern it will be helpful.
Remember when I told you that my H told me that when my dad died he would give me three months to "get over it"? And the more he pushed me to get over it the worse things became. Not only was I trying to process my father's very sudden death but I was also trying to process I had been diagnosed with a disease and on top of all that trying to process how insensitive my H was being.
The more my H tried to get me to see things "his way" the more angry I got. The more I shut down. The more I shut him out.
Do you know it was FOUR years later my H came to me and apologized with deep sincerity for that. I do believe in his mind he was thinking a timeline would be helpful to me since I had so much going on and in his crazy mind he was being helpful. I don't think he sat up at night trying to think of ways to make my life more stressful during that time. But the more he pushed his "agenda" on me the more I wanted to run for the hills.
If my H would have just shut up about his stupid time lines I would have felt tons less pressure.
When somebody is hurt, confused, shocked and bitter additional pressure does not good.
