The saga continues

[OfficerInNeed]

Gucci,
You and I have had this discussion before.

I wanted to share with you all what our conversation was about yesterday.

After I brought up the whole damaging my personal property and calling her ignorant it was all down hill from there and the conversation went like this...

W - "You're calling me ignorant? I made sure I did not put anything on top of your stuff and as for the dress I paid for it and I will do with it as I should, it means nothing anyway. I was going to wear it for Halloween this year and get some use out of it"

Me - not sure how to respond, I stand there with a intrigued look on my face.

W continued - "Yes traditionally the dress is preserved but it's not like we had a traditional wedding anyway and I can pass down a white dress to my daughter."

Me - "We both agreed to have a non-traditional wedding"

W - "Yes we did, I know caused I planned the whole thing, remember when you said 'just make the plans and I will show up?' do you remember that? So it was me who planned the whole thing"

Me - "Yes, you are right, you did do the majority of the planning and I did say that. My head was not in the right place at that time"

W - "Well I believed you when you said it and all these changes you made and words you speak mean nothing to me they are all a lie"

W went on to bring up specific events that occurred throughout 10 years where I had overreacted, made her feel insecure about her self and lower her self esteem or hurt her. W said she always thought I would change but then realized it will always be the same so she is done.

W - "You have killed me inside, you have ruined me to the point where I can never believe or trust anyone ever again. Because of you I will never feel like I am significant to anyone."

I went on to contradict what W had said about always being a terrible person and foolishly trying to remind her of the countless times I expressed how beautiful I thought she was.

I then went on to question W's logic.

Me - "You say that 10 years has been nothing but bad but yet we found enough love in one another to get married"

W - "Because stupid me thought you would change after we got married"

Me - "We were 4 months into our marriage when you told me you did not love me anymore, a day after you just got done telling me you loved me so much. I realized that I had some issues that I had to address and I did, change is what I did."

W - "Too late, I will never NEVER be able to forgive you or forget the things you done or said and I will NEVER be happy with you"

W gave more instances of things that occurred in the past, some I had forgot about and others I don't remember ever happening.

W and I then got into a discussion about how things that had happened in the past that I could not let go of that had drove me to be the person I was before our sitch began.

To sum it all up W is bitter and hurt from all that I had said and done in the past and has A LOT of resentment toward me. I admit my faults and never deny anything from the past whether I remembering it happening or not. Because of this W believes everything happens in a cycle and she cannot rust that I will never revert back to the person I was therefore she could never be happy with me. Though I had spent the past 6 months literally changing her I was from the inside and out W does not see a bit of change and said she never will.

Do I want our marriage to work, Yes. DO I think it is going to work, No. I don't want to push my W out the door nor do I want her to feel as if I do not want out marriage to work.

I just MYLU's sitch. The dynamics surrounding the sitch are not the same that surround mine.

I had said to W last week that I am not looking for a roommate and that she is my W. W said just yesterday "you're right, we are roommates and that is all it ever will be until I leave." It has been 6 months since the last time me W and I had any sexual or intimate contact outside of holding hands 4 months ago. I receive absolutely no affection.