This is pretty good... I think puppy has a good sample too... one of these days I will put a copy on my pc so I can pass it out .. but right now I don't have it...
YOu could add a line near the end like
I would hate to have to take this affair further public than this letter, but I will if I have to
I just am thinking if there is something in there that warns the recipient of the consequences if they IGNORE the letter...
YOUR LETTER ROCKS!!!!! I think we need to add it to some file in the infidelity forum with Puppy's too.
But,
Quote:
I would hate to have to take this affair further public than this letter, but I will if I have to
I don't think you should add that line just yet, IMO!
Save it for if you don't see action. Otherwise they might see it as you trying to coerce! And it looks like "I want to help your company and my marriage....but I am only helping your company IF you do something about the A. If you DON'T then I will take this further. " So actually I am informing you that you BETTER do something about this A or ELSE!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Allen - I was thinking about sending it to multiple people:
-HR director, for sure, as main addressee
But also: -managing partner of the entire company -managing partner of my H's division -other partners whose names I recognize (so I know those close to H see this)
With that many power people seeing it, could it really be ignored?
Another idea is to cc my H and/or OW on email. That way, if office chooses to do nothing, they still have the embarassment factor of knowign all their superiors know.
Newmama and Allen - I like the idea of back-up action if letter doesn't work. I don't think I'll threaten at that point, because it's an empty threat. I don't know what "next step" would be. THe only leverage would be figuring out clients that both my H and OW worked on together and then letting them know that conflict of interest ocurred. This is big and not something I would do without legal support because my H'm company would probably come after me if it resulted in loss of business. I also don't have the intel to figure this out.
BTW - Pup's script is on page 7 of this thread. My script was a cross between Penny Tupy's suggested script (in intervention section of her book) and Pup's. Decided to ere on short side because I didn't want to come off as "overly emotional crazy wife."
Don't cc H and OW... NEVER show your WS or OW your hand...
They do NOT need WARNING what you have done.. you WANT them to get hit with the shock of being called into the big office...
There is NO BENEFIT to giving them a HEADS UP of what you are doing... If you are going to attack an affair, do NOT WARN the party you are doing it... never never never
Okay Allen - should I then avoid cc'ing partners/managers that are like to share with H? I also know that there are some partners/managers that don't get along with H - thought they might be good ones to know because they'll want to see enforcement. But then again, that might just be mean . . .
Also would like suggestions on timing: I don't want his mom to hear from him that I did that before I tell her. So, do I: 1) send it right before going to her place? I am going to try to see her tonight while H has my daughter.
Expose to people who will in some way put pressure on your H to end his affair.. that's it... sending emails to his boy's club pals at work isn't going to help you
