He's Loving the Freedom of the 180 - Now What?

[newmama]

I still think his biggest problem is that he ran his mouth at work, got a committee together to justify leaving me, and now that we're back to having a pleasant relationship, that committee keeps telling him he's going soft, it's a trick, etc.

???Sorry, but if this is even true, I can't see him telling his committee about his change in the relationship with you!

He is a scientist, right? (Warning: am about to use the wrong terminology but I hope you still get what I mean!) Let's say he has tested a hypothesis with some preliminary labs and is feeling confident that it could be a theory that pans out.

So he brags about his theory and plans his experiment and sets it up and is confident his hypothesis will be accurate. Well, after a few weeks, things start changing opposite of what he had predicted...his ego is a little hurt, he feels insecure about the idea that he was wrong, and has no intention of letting his colleagues know at this juncture that it looks like he might have made a mistake...
so he keeps it to himself for awhile. Again, he really wants to believe he knew what he was doing and was correct! So he isn't going to give up just yet,

Ok I feel sheepish and hope you get what I am saying!

I haven't told WH that I've sought help and am working with a counselor...I wonder if that would make a difference to him? As Allen says, "Show by example."

Hmm....

I say NO! Never reveal your secret weapon until you've won the war! What if he thinks "OH! THAT'S WHY she has been acting so different...I thought she was changing for real!"

how many times have we read that the WASs get pissed off when we start making changes and improving because we didn't do it when they wanted to be with us. They are skeptical to see if the changes are real and will last. So give it more time!

And do you really think a counselor will help him while he is still addicted to OW? I could think maybe if he WANTS HELP in breaking his affair with OW.