Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

Just found out that W received a raise.

She told me that I will lose to her before this case even goes to trial, and she has an attorney.

She said the attorney that is working on our case for the apartment is same attorney that helped me with my OSC (response) because she recognized the numbers and the letter head, but the court documents all look the same. She does not know what she is talking about.

I am having a terrible day with the kids gone until tomorrow too.

I can't believe that she thinks that I am "parasite" off her, and she said, "that I am going to parasite off the kids." I just want this over. I am so hurt that would think I would do anything bad to the kids. I love them so much!!! I would never do anything bad to my kids.

Just am going crazy today.

I will be strong, but I am having a weak moment all alone by myself. I just have very few people to talk to, and no money to even GAL or eat her soon.

Enough of my self-pity.

Thanks for listening to me today everyone. I appreciate the support. I hope my sitch can help someone to avoid the mistakes I have made.

[idontunderstand]

When I first found out about the A my W is having, I told a whopper of a story that made her think and question my sanity. She brought it up tonight. It was never true, but it started out harmless, and it became bigger and bigger until it became out of control on both our parts and she blames me. I take responsibility for my part, but it started with something she said while we were showering together. It seemed it would save our M, but it may have ended it. I never told her the truth, and I am reluctant to do that now with the D. She plans to bring it up in her response to question my sanity to care for the kids. I put it to rest the best I could at time, and I never brought it up again. It did a lot of harm. I know we could save our M, but I need to do the right thing. I know this is part of the problem. How do I deal with. I need help from everyone to come up with the right answer to save my M.

We need a little more information. It sounds like it may not be too pleasant to share but would help to know what you are talking about.

Settle down and get back to your plan. She can threaten and blow hard all she wants. Don't let her rattle your cage.

I have no doubt that your not a leech. Look at any guys closet and then look at his wife's. No comparison. Don't let things like that bother you. If you are anything at all like me, there are a whole lot more things I would rather do and things I would rather spend my money on than shopping for clothes and staying up on the latest fashions.

She is playing mind games. Don't let her get to you. This will be a fight, no doubt. Prepare for it. Follow through with it. Be strong.

[LSG]

IDU,

She has got to me real bad. I am so emotional about everything today.

The story starts while we were having a shower. I would have done anything to win her heart again. I told her I would not be around either way. I had not eaten for 5 days at the time because I hurt so bad from finding about the affair and her telling me she was no longer in love with me. I did not know about this forum at the time.

Anyways, I did not say much at the time, but I started to play to the feelings she was showing me. I let the story about want would happen to me if our R failed. She started to feed off my information, and I added to it "that I was not going to make it one way or another."{ I let imply what I meant which was not really true. But she thought the worst. I did not give details at the time until a day or two later when she was pushing for more specifics, and I said a lot of stupid things. They were very far fetched. She did not want me to be out the kid's lives. I never planned to. I planned to end this story because I made a lot of mistakes, but she seemed to be caring for me. I ended it as soon as possible. She thinks what I said questions what type of father would do these kind of things. I would never do anything that would hurt my kids. It was just a story that I told because I did not know what to do to keep my M to the only woman I have ever loved.

I do want to give specifics yet, but It was really ludicrous. I knew at the time I should not have done it, but I was really hurting and scared to lose my W and kids. I thought that I was not good enough for her, and she should have the kids at the time. I thought that the kids should be with their mother because that was the way things were when I was a kid.

I was desparate at the time.

I am not the same person, and I do not know how to tell her. I cannot go back and change the past. All I can do is change now and what I do in the future for me and the kids.

Is there anything I can do? Can anyone help?

Please do not criticise me anyone even if I deserve it. I cannot bear the thought of what I did then. It is not me now.

I do not want this moment of weakness to shape what will happen with kids in our D. I wish I could tell her the truth too because maybe it would save our M, then again maybe not.

I am just in a difficult situation at the moment with no easy answers to do the right thing. I just need to move forward and not back. I want to tell her so bad. I plan to talk to an attorney, and to find out what the implications will be in my D.

That is all I can say for now.

What I say here is the hard truth about everything in my sitch too.

[Coach]

Is there anything I can do? Can anyone help?

Just stop your thoughts for a second. Control your breathing - slow in and out on a four count. Now just pray that God will give you strength, you will have discernment to think thru your problems, that you will be surrounded by supporting people.

Your problems are not permanent, making a mistake does not doom you, being aware is key to performing better. Take care of your immediate needs - sleep, food, water. Fatigue is a killer to your emotional and mental state. You can handle it.

Coach

[LSG]

Coach,

Thanks for the help to keeping myself calm. What can I do to correct it. I want to set the record straight. I am pretty sure that it will not change anything, but it will make me feel better about myself.

Any ideas on how to do this without jeopardizing my court case and losing my kids.

I am in a real bad place today, and I am trying to dig myself out and keep from the situation from getting me. Easier said, than done.

Thanks again for keeping me focused and my perspective from being blurred.

[idontunderstand]

Just wanted to say that I'm glad to see you posting on other peoples threads a little more today. It helps them and it helps you, too. When you write out that advice, it's a kind of self therapy. Sometimes, we answer our own questions and face our own fears as we try to help others. At least it seems like that to me. On my bad days, if I make myself post to others, it helps me get focused again.

We're here to help each other any way we can. We have to listen and do the work ourselves, no one else can do that for us. You are strong and you can do it. Believe it.

[LSG]

IDU,

You are a very good person. I have seen the way you respond to me and others here. I much appreciate the help and support.

Your support and others here will help me to get through another day!

[Coach]

What can I do to correct it. I want to set the record straight. I am pretty sure that it will not change anything, but it will make me feel better about myself.

So what will you do to feel better?

physical

mental

emotional

spiritual

social

[LSG]

I am going to visit my church and say a prayer today for starters. From, I don't know. I will sleep some because I never seem to have enough.

I am going to keep my hope alive is all I can do.

Thank you for the questions. You always have great ideas to make me feel better.

[LSG]

Today is better than yesterday, and I hope tomorrow with be better than today. I cannot wait to see the kids and hear all about what they did yesterday with mom. I don't care to hear about her, just the kids time will be good.