OK, but how do I make SURE she does not go and see this guy.
The contact between them has started up again. The exposure was supposed to kill all that.
It worked for about 2-3 weeks, and she just kept at it and at it until she sent him 2 texts last night, 2 phone messages, and a Facebook message that said she wanted to visit.
He replied and asked when.
She is DEFINITELY planning to go see him ASAP and have sex with him.
After she got the message, she sent a few texts to coworkers that I know sometimes cover for her, and it may be she is planning to go away to him as soon as this weekend.
Whenever she has time, she will most DEFINITELY take the opportunity to go see him. The contact between them has started again and I am back at square 1.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I would tell the guy that I was serious when I told him to stay the hell away from my wife, and NOT to underestimate me.
But that's just me.
As for my wife, if the guy didn't back off and they still planned to meet up, I would wait for her to leave for her rendezvous, and I would call her cellphone and say:
"I hope it's worth it."
"What are you talking about?" she will say.
Reply: "I know exactly what you're doing, and I just hope it's worth it. Because once you do this, there's no going back."
She then says whatever, and you finish with "I've said all I'm going to say, but just know that there are consequences if you go thru with this, and I WILL KNOW if you do."
And then hang up, and don't return her calls or her text messages.
Infidelitus interruptus. Remember, they don't know what you know, and what you don't know, so they'll have to assume that you WILL know if they hook up or not (for all they know, you have a tail on either or both of them!).
Should I maybe call her mom and talk to her? On the phone last night, I mentioned I had "plans" on Friday because I need to know when she would be home to let the dogs out.
She then got irritated and said:
"You know when I talk about what I am doing I always say what it is. When you do it, it is always 'plans' like you have something to hide"
She then said "What would you say if I am going.... IF I said I am going away for a weekend?"
Notice how she FIRST said she WAS going away.
But she did appear irritated at my detachment and pursued me just a little.
But she is most definitely planning SOMETHING soon. So should I maybe call her mom and let her know what she said on the phone last night?
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/30/1002:27 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
NO. Only involve her parents when you have something CONCRETE to re-expose. Anything short of that will come across to them as you "attacking" their daughter.
Here is what I was thinking when we talk on the phone tonight:
"I thought alot about what you said last night, and I realized that you said more than you intended to. I know you are planning to visit him, and the way you spoke absolutely gave it away. You and I both know what the truth is, so I am simply not going to argue about that."
"I cannot live in an open marriage, nor can I live in the same house where someone CONSTANTLY deceives and lies to me. So, if you visit him despite our agreement not to see other people, and us still being married, I plan to move out of this house. Our State law allows me to move out, and YOU will be 100% responsible for the mortgage. I cannot be held financially liable for a place I don't live in in this State."
"There are just some things I am not willing to accept, and this is one of them. You will have to sell the house, for which I am entitled to half of everything less the months I did not pay the mortgage. Your decisions have consequences, so you will have to think very hard about the future decisions you have to make."
Now I can move out and not be responsible for the mortgage, which will force her to sell. It will be a COMPLETE nightmare for her, but I am setting boundaries and am willing to level consequences should she cross them.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Here is what I was thinking when we talk on the phone tonight:
"I thought alot about what you said last night, and I realized that you said more than you intended to. I know you are planning to visit him, and . . .
NOOO!!!!
This preface positions your convo with her as being the only source of your intel. You want it to be a concept of "You don't know what I know, and what i DON'T know, so you have to assume I know everything!", and so it's always best to start with:
"I know all about you and ____," or "I know all about where you're going," etc.
I also like to wait until AFTER they leave, and then go completely DARK on them, so that you cause the most DISRUPTION to their illicit plans. When you go to her AHEAD of time, with a speech like the above, all you're going to do is give her a chance to spin it and lie ahead of time, put it all back on you, and then -- if she's successful in that effort -- STILL head off on her weekend, and have an even BETTER time, because she "just put my husband in his place!"
My goal is to PREVENT her from going in the first place.
The plan of exposure was to end the emotional affair, and it worked for about 3 weeks. Now because she is soooooo stubborn in what she wants, she managed to say enough to him to peak his interest. She basically said she wants to visit him to have sex. What single guy is going to turn down no strings sex?
If I wait until AFTER she leaves, she is still going to go and have sex with him. That takes it from an emotional affair to a physical one.
And I do have ROCK SOLID intel. I have the messages. But if I let her know that, then any chance for intel down the road is gone.
I DO NOT want this man having sex with my wife.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
