Live in the Now!!

[newmama]

I was about to say "it's OK" almost as a reflex because that's how we are with each other. But it's not OK.

I know! Luckily, although I know it sounds like I am high in the clouds, I haven't every said "it's ok" to stbxh. But I did say "ok." like I acknowledged it. or I nodded. Or I said "I believe you" or "Thank you." sometimes nothing. (as you can see, he has apologized repeatedly)....and like Bobbi Jo, I feel so unsatisfied and have thought SO WHAT!!???! IT DOESN'T HELP! PROVE IT!

because I think when people say they are sorry they want us to forgive them, right? And I could only forgive stbxh if he wanted to R. But now am working on it- it is not genuine forgiveness if it is conditional....I wonder if that is what you have felt at all, BobbiJo? Like you need reconciliation to forgive?

[newmama]

Oops- I posted before reading your last post. You had some good zingers in there but you said you could tell it was not worth it to keep going. Good job restraining yourself!

THIS:

I said, "So you are pretty much saying she is only naughty when I am here." They start in "Oh no that's not what we meant..." I'm like Yeah that's pretty much exactly what you are saying. Nathan pipes up, "She threw herself on the ground earlier today screaming...." Love that kid.

made me think they wanted to let you know that the kids were good, their DAD was on top of it, there were no problems, he did a good job, you can trust him....they will of course omit issues!

although it just feels so wrong to hear it, to me, when stbxh says stuff like that. it does feel like he is implying "with ME they are fine...so what are YOU doing wrong?"

Bobbi Jo, I hope the anger helps you and tomorrow you are feeling better.

[smith18]

Was this emotional argument done in front of the kids?

I still sense that you are responding to his bs and trying to get him to admit you are the winner of an argument. You need to learn to walk away when his batchitness starts flowing (which is often). Pick your battles carefully. Countering him when he does his blaming gets you nowhere. Well, maybe by getting you more angry will help you to realize there are better things to do than waste your anger on a dickhead like him.

I still stand by my belief that texting is one very piss poor means of communication...

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/c2c13f93-a169-4e66-bf21-fd5e8d5e55ef.jpg

PS... I love the "on like Donkey Kong" phrase. I reckon that you picked that one up from the groom in Tennessee.

[john210]

<<Oh and he threw some dumbass comment in there about why would he remarry me when he would still be legally obligated to pay me the settlement?>>

Here is one of the problems. Dan knows that you would come running back to the altar if he asked. He thinks he controls you and acts like he does.

One thing i did not get about last night. he texted you that they would have supper at 8. You got there earlier. Did you think he invited you to eat with the kids as a family? Why don't you just let him do his stuff and when he is all done, he brings the kids back? Why do you have to facilitate his existence at the drop of a hat and scurry to the farm to pickup the kids? He does not deserve you BBJ.

One last thing, the she only acts up when your here comment....you may have exagerated a tad on that one.....but who can blame you?

[BobbiJo]

I did not exaggerate on the comment about her only acting up when I am there. It has been a common theme for MIL/FIL and Dan ever since he got his house done and started havig the kids. I will come to pick her up, or I will see them at one of Nathan's ball games, and invariably Sydney will start acting up.

Right away they will start in: "Oh Sydney why are you doing that? You've been good all day till Mommy got here." "She hasn't been like this at all until now..." "I don't know why you're acting like this you were just fine until mommy got here", etc etc etc. It has been increasingly annoying so I finally said something.

Although it reminds me of a time when Nathan was a baby, around one yr old. We were out in the hot tub at SIL/BIL house with both SIL/BILs and MIL/FIL had Nathan in the house. We could see through the window they were trying to change his diaper and he was crawling away, flipping over, screaming, etc. When we came back in we said, "Any problems?" Right away MIL, "Oh no he was just fine."

[BobbiJo]

Well guess what John I am not running anywhere for him now. I am too p!ssed at him. After that heated exchange yesterday (and Kerry the kids were in the car already when we were talking in the yard) I don't want to talk to him unless it is extremely urgent and kid-related.

While I was at my trip I called in to the city and told them my water main thing (little cap-looking deal in my sidewalk) was leaking water into my yard. They told me they would check the line but lucky me, homeowners are responsible for paying for any/all repairs. I mentioned it to Dan while I was gone (I know, not kid-related so I shouldn't have)...I just casually mentioned that a neighbor said they had a friend wind up paying $4500 bc of roots in the line...

So anyway this morning Dan has already texted me twice, "I checked around about your water line and $4500 is out of line." Then "Call 'Local Plumber's Name' and have him quote it."

OK so last night you said you were sick of dealing with me and totally done and didn't want to have to deal with me anymore and then this morning you are calling around trying to solve my problem? Wtf...

I did not reply. The city is already here and has dug a trench waist deep beside the sidewalk. Whatever it is, I will have to pay it. That's just the way it is.

[mishka422]

Good to know that the kids where not in hearing range of that.

BBJ, I sincerely hope you will stick to this NC except emergency kid related. I said emergency! Dan knows the schedule. He sticks to it or makes his own arrangements on his own with his own people. Those people do not include you. You are not the 'babysitter'. If he can't handle being a 50% dad then he shouldn't have asked for it. Period. Don't make excuses as to why you should do it. Yes, they are your kids, understood....the point is don't rescue Dan from Dan's lack of planning. They kids will be fine. If they miss an event, have to stay extra time at day care, spend more time at xMIL/FIL house then so be it. Don't rescue him from his own ineptitude....NOT ONE MORE TIME!

This is not about the kids. He is doing all of this to control you and you are still letting him.

[smith18]

Sounds like MIL is good at telling lies just like her son.

My neighbor and I had to change our old water mains some years back. Pretty darn spendy considering we share a very long flag lot driveway. The contractor still underbid as he did not know that about a foot down in our area was all clay that could not be dug with a ditch witch.

[BobbiJo]

Well I have a bobcat in the front yard. They dug a trench beside the sidewalk on the street side. Then they came over and are digging a trench on my yard side of the sidewalk. So the big bobcat is in the middle of my yard digging a big hole. Seriously they were supposed to have some device that could "listen" to locate the leak so they don't have to dig everywhere... ugh.

[kat727]

Oh, I feel for you. Reminds of the leak I was worried about in April and they were talking 2500! Mine fortunately was inside and I was able to figure out the problem.

It just seems like when it rains it pours. Keep your umbrella handy.

hugs, kat