Question

[Lucky11too]

Honestly, you go girl. Way to say it. It’s not good to dwell on anger, but sometimes it’s anger that gives us the push to do the tough things we need to do. Just continue to identify the ways H manipulates you and try to control that on your own end. It’s hard though too (at least for me as an outsider) to identify what is him manipulating you and what is him trying, which would require exact opposite responses from you.

I feel the exact same emotions you just described and was having the same argument with myself this weekend – in particular, this is not the life I wanted, so why did I who feel I am a good, loving, moral, and just person, end up with someone so opposite? It’s frustrating and disheartening. My other argument, is how long do I give up my own happiness for the sake of S, for who I would actually give my own life for? Not that our sole happiness relies on our H’s, but it’s hard not to get dragged down by them. Needless to say, I completely understand what you are going thru.

I’m glad you mentioned that about your dad as well. This is something I was struggling with. H is a “bad dad” but he does love him and would never do anything to hurt him. I wish in some ways I could just keep him away, but you’re right too, that it’s not really best for either of them.

You really have so much strength. So are a woman now and he better start realizing that and respecting that. I hope you were able to give S and H their alone time this morning, b/c H needs a chance to start learning what being a “dad” means again. If you can, just try to be pleasant but firm (obviously you feel angry and hurt, but hostility never helps anything) and if you decide to follow the route of no H except on a set S schedule, then stick with it. Good luck today!