She also stated that she was worried that I go get sex somewhere else. I assured her I would not bring a woman back here.
She said ok and walked off.
She wants that assurance from you. But did she provide that assurance to you?
No...I don't think I asked.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
My W first marriage, her H cheated on her and got OW pregnant.
Also, I started to work on my appearance, plus I am wearing cologne, and going out now. I see how this can make here worried or jealous.
*edit* Going out as in GAL, not seeing anoyone else.
Last edited by CPCajun; 06/30/1002:13 PM.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
No matter the conversation, W always brings up " You did it the past 10 years." Or "Whatever happened for the past 10 years." I dont bring it up, but she almost always goes there. As for yesterday, she wore a new dress, which I complemented her on. She started talking, and before long, she went back to the 10 years hell. My only answer is ,"it is the past, which that cannot be change. It happened. We need to work on now, on day at a time." Then she says, "I dont care about now or you or your feelings."
I am trying the small chat, but its just not working. I tell you now, if I try to hang up and say I have to 'GAL', she will give me the excuse that I only want to talk when its conveinent for you. What else can I do to avoid this or respond to it differently?
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
" You did it the past 10 years." Or "Whatever happened for the past 10 years." I dont bring it up, but she almost always goes there. As for yesterday, she wore a new dress, which I complemented her on. She started talking, and before long, she went back to the 10 years hell.
Agree with her - validate her feelings about her being hurt. "I agree I see how I hurt you and for that I am sorry." The hurt for her is in the now.
Quote:
I tell you now, if I try to hang up and say I have to 'GAL', she will give me the excuse that I only want to talk when its conveinent for you. What else can I do to avoid this or respond to it differently?
That mind reading - call her out whenever she tires to tell you what you think/feel/believe. "No wife I don't only talk to you when it is convenient for me. If you want to know what I am thinking then just ask."
The flip side is she mind reads because she wants to know what you think. Let her in on your day. Story that helped me: Man has many rooms in his life - work, family, marriage, friends, hobbies, tasks. Your wife wants to know about all those rooms before she lets you in the bedroom. So when you see her talk about people at work, talk about your problems, let her know who you ran into at the store, let her know what is on your mind. Make sense?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
" You did it the past 10 years." Or "Whatever happened for the past 10 years." I dont bring it up, but she almost always goes there. As for yesterday, she wore a new dress, which I complemented her on. She started talking, and before long, she went back to the 10 years hell.
Agree with her - validate her feelings about her being hurt. "I agree I see how I hurt you and for that I am sorry." The hurt for her is in the now.
Quote:
I tell you now, if I try to hang up and say I have to 'GAL', she will give me the excuse that I only want to talk when its conveinent for you. What else can I do to avoid this or respond to it differently?
That mind reading - call her out whenever she tires to tell you what you think/feel/believe. "No wife I don't only talk to you when it is convenient for me. If you want to know what I am thinking then just ask."
The flip side is she mind reads because she wants to know what you think. Let her in on your day. Story that helped me: Man has many rooms in his life - work, family, marriage, friends, hobbies, tasks. Your wife wants to know about all those rooms before she lets you in the bedroom. So when you see her talk about people at work, talk about your problems, let her know who you ran into at the store, let her know what is on your mind. Make sense?
Thanks Coach. I do validate her feeling, and I still do apologize.
I see the second part. I like both sides. I'll try both and see which one works.
I can handle this.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Now W wants her nose peirced. :dunno: I told her go for it, you dont need my permission to do so. I am not one for peircing, but I want her to fell happy.
She asked for me to go with her as she is scared to go alone. Should I go and stand beside her or blow it off. She is reaching out to me.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Since you have no OM in the pic then I say you go. Shows you support her. Just don't jump at the first chance to go.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Since you have no OM in the pic then I say you go. Shows you support her. Just don't jump at the first chance to go.
Gotcha...I really appreciate the advice coach. I think I owe you a steak dinner one day.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
" You did it the past 10 years." Or "Whatever happened for the past 10 years." I dont bring it up, but she almost always goes there. As for yesterday, she wore a new dress, which I complemented her on. She started talking, and before long, she went back to the 10 years hell.
Agree with her - validate her feelings about her being hurt. "I agree I see how I hurt you and for that I am sorry." The hurt for her is in the now.
Coach's statement above is absolutely true. People make mistakes. Some people learn from them, they change, and become better people.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
This turned out well, R wise. Peircing, tattos, etc are not my thing, its growing on me though.
She had it done and held my hand the whole time. Its great to be her knight again, even though on a task this small. Afterwards we departed and were going to meet up home. I had to deter to go do my talk with my L. He is great. He is understanding on the reconciling. He knows I want business on his end and I will deal with the M.
Afeter the meeting I showed up home and the W pulled a bit later. She brought back a huge cinnamon roll with pecans. It was nice for her to think of me. She also asked if I could come in later and watch a movie that she rented.( Valentines day, chick flick, but it was actually an ok movie.) I watched the entire movie with her, which is good. I usually do not watch tv or movies and when I do fall asleep.
Afterwards we kissed a bit and retired our separate beds. For the first night in a while, my anxiety, stress, and the gut pain had subsided.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
