Does DB'ing work if OW is playing the victim?!?!

[newmama]

Thanks for your reply. You're a inspiration for me. I hope i'll be as strong as you are when i'm served.

Here is a tip for being prepared IF you get served....prepare for it yourself first! I was too scared to look at the D process and plan a future without stbxh not because I didn't think I could live without him but because I didn't want to deal with that reality! Avoid the pain! But I felt so good to be able to immediately not respond with crying, and to have some things typed up and figured out to give him. "Ok if that is what you want to do, then here is what I would like to do about the house, finances, and parenting plan. " He was STUNNED! I felt so proud! But believe me, the first 4 divorce talks, I cried and argued and fought! I think if I had mentally and physically prepared earlier, I wouldn't have.

Should I stop doing things for my H? I've also recently moved back after 3 mths with my parents because i wanted to try and get a job here. Should i move out again? We are renting and I can't afford the rent on my own.

Well at the minimum, I think you should stop doing things for your H. Go to the infidelity forum and look for SeeingRed's thread. She has an inhouse separation as well. Currently she is in a different place than you are, but she did end up not doing her H's laundry, cooking, etc.

Do you have a job yet? And look legally into ramifications of you moving out...it could affect your divorce settlement (IF it came to that! I never predict how others' marriages will end up!)

I would get a job first, stop doing things for H, and be gone a lot, doing my own thing if I were you. 180s...surprise him and surprise yourself!

About your counselor, again, based on what I have read in hundreds of stories, is that 90% of counselors aren't equipped to deal with infidelity! I am not exaggerating. So your counselor did little and said nothing because she didn't know what to do! That's another reason why MC is mostly useless when they are in an active affair!

OK I hope others chime in to help you out, too!

Good job getting the book. Step 1!