Another observation from Saturday. H sat on the grass stroking the cat but deep in thought. Occasionally he spoke to the cat. H hasn't stroked or spent time with our cat for months. He always acknowledges him and will put food in his dish but never spend time stroking him.
Hi Libby - I wonder where on the MLC "order of reconnection" are the family pets? After children?
I remember how nasty and short my H was to our dog in the last 6 months before he left...and he will never be able to make it up to him...our doggy died recently
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
What is it with the pets? My H always loved and played with our cat, but the last 2 weeks he was here he ignored here entirely, same with the dog. I understand guilt to your spouse, your kids, but your pets?? I even told him in a letter that the last time he was here, did he notice the cat didn't want anything to do with him?
I wonder where on the MLC "order of reconnection" are the family pets? After children?
We don't have any pets, so I couldn't verify this, but according to HB's posting of the stages of an MLC, I do believe it's pets before kids! I'd love to speculate about how that's because the WAS knows the pet won't verbally reproach him, and stuff about the loyalty of pets and the lessening of depression ... but I know better, because that's all mind-reading!
Libby, you sound so much stronger and more compassionate and yet detached--way to go!
H is quiet between visits at the moment, although when he leaves his man cave he does seem to poke his nose further out each time.
Being detached is so hard and I work on it constantly. My impending holiday has made me more vulnerable to H emotions as it is our first holiday without him. All yesterday I struggled to keep control. Today is much better and back to moving along without any major thoughts of H impacting on me. I know the children are feeling it as well.
I know I have to stay strong for me and the kids. We ARE going to enjoy this holiday as a family. It will also be 1 year since H first left on 6th July which is also my 50 birthday so we will cross that milestone whilst we are away. Will have a busy day planned so as not to dwell on the past but look to the future.
On Friday I am going out with family and friends for a slap up meal in an expensive restaurant. Everyone is paying for themselves as I am now a one parent family lololol!
On my birthday we are going to decorate the caravan and have special family time and go out in the evening. This is the day I am looking forward too.
For my 50th last year, I went on a cruise with 7 close friends from High School. It was something we had planned since we were in School, more jokingly, at the time. My H had a hissy fit. How would I dare go on a cruise with girlfriends. We were probably heading out to lay pool boys and maitre'd's. It was quite a battle, but I won and went, although his unhappiness shadowed my trip. It's one of the things he still holds against me.
My point being, have a great time with your friends. If your H has a problem, it's HIS problem. Whatever you do, don't let it spoil your good time like I did.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
